New Moon

So I went to see New Moon this weekend. I was left a little disappointed. Wanting more, I guess. Don't get me wrong it was good, but the book was way better, which is usually the case. So in that I wasn't too shocked. I felt like they wanted to get this movie out so fast, I mean it's a sequel which came out almost a year to the date of the first movie, that the quality was affected. I think there were some aspects where the book went into such great detail and the movie kind of glossed over. I preferred Twilight. I read the books. My husband who did not read the books preferred New Moon. So what are your thoughts?

What if?

I know that people sometimes wonder what their life would be like if they had not taken the path they did. Married people wonder if they hadn't married their spouse, if they waited longer to have kids, if they had no kids what would today hold? Single people wonder what if they had married so and so, or what if they met Mr or Mrs Right, where would they be right now? Doing what? With who exactly?

Oddly enough I don't usually think this way. I say usually because recently I have started to daydream. Honestly I feel twinges of guilt for allowing my mind to roam. I know John must think these thoughts because he often verbalizes them in jest or seriousness. He'll see a car he likes and say if he wasn't married he'd have that car. He'll see someone's house all museum-ish looking and say if he didn't have kids his house would look like that.

But me. I am content I guess. I don't think these thoughts. Well I hadn't until recently. I was checking out a condo in a beautifully old building in a major city. It's small, 1 bedroom and 1 bathroom. Insanely high ceilings, awesome closets, toys not strewn all over as if Toys R Us just vomited. Access to almost anything you would possible need, and by access I mean seriously outside your freaking door. Well the lobby's door anyway.

No idea what it is about this condo, because I am more the house on a quiet side street with a sidewalk that kids ride their bikes up and down kinda girl, but it made me wonder…..

Had I not had children, not been married, not been a focus-less sloth for the last 8 years allowing myself to be completely taken care of by my husband, not become who I am. I could be the kinda girl who lives there. In that fancy condo. Not owning a car because I use mass transit. Filling those closets with the newest, most desired bags and shoes. Affording it all because I would be uber focused on my career. Climbing the ladder, becoming someone others answer to. Hanging out at the coolest clubs. Having the best girlfriends in the world. Not ever cooking because "we" don't do that, we order in or go out to eat.

Sounds so foreign, but at the same time so inviting. But I am who I am. I have a husband who I love. Children who I adore and would do anything for. A house on a quiet street where kids ride their bikes on the sidewalk, in a town where almost everyone knows everyone. Really, who am I fooling? This life is where I am supposed to be, more importantly where I want to be. I guess there's really no harm in wondering though how it could have all been so different as long as I keep my feet here on the ground in reality and not high above the city streets in a lofty condo.

Halloween & stuff

I see my last blog post is all sorts of screwy. I had a hard time getting it to post, then when I did some stuff got cut out of it. Strange. I am hoping this works. Friday I attended a Halloween party we (room parents) planned for Jewel's class. I think the kids had a ton of fun. Saturday was trick or treating and although I don't think we went to a ton of houses it seems the kids got a ton of candy. I have not even sorted through it at all yet. Yesterday we went to Sesame Place for their Spooktacular provided by Variety. If you have a developmentally disabled child and live in the area check out http://www.varietyphila.org/. They serve if I remember correctly parts of PA, DE, and NJ.

The kids have off this week due to the NJ teacher's convention. I wonder how many teacher's actually attend this? I am starting to feel more exhausted than my usual sloth like exhaustion, I really hope I am not getting sick. It's seems to be going around though and is inevitable I guess. Tonight I do believe the Yankees will take their 27th World Series win and really, should we be surprised?

OK, Holly, out!

Finally

TA-DA!!!! Here I am!

I am here, I am back, and I am going to make yet another promise to try to be around more frequently for whoever is still reading. Today I will just do an update on everyone and everything, all rolled into one.

I'll start with Carlos. 8th grade this year. I have a child in 8th grade, kinda depressing. But so far so good. His second year of cross country went well. I really do think he found his niche with running. He is good at it. He starts wrestling soon. His grades are good, I think maybe he is finally growing a little, and his attitude, well he is an almost 14 year old boy, what do I expect. I can't complain though, he really is a good kid.

Amber. 2nd grade this year. Not so sure she and her teacher are the greatest match. But what can I do, we're going into November. Her reading level really sky-rocketed last year and she is reading mid-level in her class. Awesomeness, because we were worried for a bit. This year she is very into her clothes and must pick out her own outfits. She loves matching her shoes and earring with her clothes. It's so different for me to see this, having an older boy and this really being the beginning of Amber being interested in what she wears.

Jewel. Kindergarten. Regular kindergarten in our district's school. Yes she still has a lot of in school speech and she is hard to understand at times, but she is a social butterfly. She has sprouted huge wings and is flying. We have discontinued all outpatient therapies for now. She has friends, the kids adore her, the adults adore her, she is learning to deal with her lack of verbal skills with a bit less frustration. She is starting to spell, her mind is a sponge. Again, awesomeness.

John. For 2 months he has had terrible knee pain. After doctor appoints and x-rays and an MRI he finally say an ortho yesterday. Lots of fluid. MRI showed a couple floating objects in the knee but the doctor was not impressed. So John's knee was aspirated and should be feeling better by now. It's not. He has a follow up next week, more aspiration may have to be done. Who knows what from here. I was praying the aspiration would work. The ortho he saw was 'da bomb. So if you are local and need an ortho, I have a recommendation, and he is not booked far out at all.

Me. Well I have chosen yet another career path. I have such lack of focus and direction it is sad. In any case since I last blogged I went back to school to get my home health aide certification back. That's done. Am I working doing that? Nope. I planned on doing it for the next year wile I am attending :::::::drum roll:::::::: massage school. I was >thisclose<>

I guess that's about all. Well probably not. Since I haven't blogged in months I am sure there is lots I left out. Like Jewel's trip to the ER in the middle of the night because she was "so itchy she was going to die." Amber almost passing out after cutting her foot in Home Depot (we have since realized she and the sight of blood don't mix well). Carlos' coming in 29th out of 103 runners in the 2009 County Middle School Cross Country Championships. Yes there has been a lot I missed. Well I didn't miss it, I was here, you all missed it because I was far too lazy to blog about it. But again I promise to try to be more consistent since I know you all miss me so. ;-)

...too long....

Almost 3 months.

That's 3 months too long.

I'm gonna be back soon.




Watch for me.

The Real Me

I have come to realize I have a serious anxiety problem. I have also come to realize I have passed it on to Amber. Last night I asked her why she stays up so late and she said I worry. I asked about what? Her answer, this and that. Like what I asked again. Like why I didn't clean my room during the day and now it's a mess, like what I wanted to do today and didn't, about any noise I hear. I had such a I know exactly how you feel moment but didn't want to tell her. I don't want her to know I worry like this too, how would I reasonably explain to her she shouldn't worry like that when I cannot even convince myself not to.

But this morning thinking on the matter more, I probably can. It what I do. I calm others, I talk sense into some, I make some see a view from different from the one they usually do, I am the person that quite a few people turn to to tell them it is ok, it will be better, you can do it, whatever needs to be heard and sometimes things they don't want to hear, I am there to say it. Why then am I who I am. An emotional roller coaster of feelings, an anxious mess, an insecure woman, a mother who feels I will never be enough for my kids, a wife who is certain her husband deserves more, a person who doesn't ever feel smart enough, a 32 year old woman trapped by the mind of a far younger person, someone who is paralyzed by fears that normal people don't even compute as fear.

I want to be the person who other people know me as. They know my shell. But I hate hiding in this shell of a strong person when in fact I feel weak. I want to be that shell. Yesterday I started reading A Purpose Driven Life and hopefully that will empower me. I have been saying I would start it for some time now, but yesterday finally picked it up again. I started reading it months ago and just stopped. I think now is the time though. I need strength and am hoping I can find it.

Stellan needs prayers

Stellan needs prayers and lots of them.

http://www.mycharmingkids.net/

Quintooples is COOL!

A dear friend Christa who I have none for a little over 5 years now, is a mom to 5 children 5 and under is having an awesome give away on her blog. Whew that's a lot of 5's. Check her out, read her blog, enter her contest, become a follower.

Here is a direct link for the give away post. http://www.quintooples.com/2009/07/very-girly-giveaway.html

Here is a link-a-doo for her blog. http://www.quintooples.com/

Happy July

Well July is here and looking back on my June blogging, I see I blogged twice. Ut-oh! Bad blogger. I haven't even been keeping up with Wordless Wednesdays. Yes I am a slacker but at least I am consistent, I slack with everything, not just my blog. So let's see what's new?

Carlos is in Puerto Rico with his grandfather. I haven't seen him since June 25th. =( I do miss him, even though we have spoken almost every day. I hate doing his chores too. Jewel misses her big brother the most and has slept in his room every day that he has been gone. She sees boys his age when we are out and the dam breaks, the tears start flowing, she misses Carlos. It's rather sad, but yet so cute. Carlos made honor roll last semester. I am so so so proud of him. Middle school and him mesh well.

Amber has been promoted. Next year she is headed to 2nd grade. She made a huge leap with her reading level between February and June and even was able to exit her basic skills reading class. She is also done with her therapy at Children's and has made a lot of progress with her hoarding issue. Now we sort of have to watch what she throws out because she is a bit over zealous about not saving things.

Jewel has the summer off. She was discharged from OT because her work there was complete, and I took her out of speech because she just needed a break. She was suppose to start again for the summer, but I decided to not have her do it, we're working at home on speech stuff. I again did not send her for summer sessions at school either. Her IEP for next year has been completed and I feel comfortable with it and the fact I can call a new meeting if the need arises at any time. We're still working with the Dynavox (the version 4) and the school is renting her a Version 5 when school resumes in September for four weeks so they can judge for themselves if it would benefit her. I suppose having her evaluated by one of the leading augmentative communication therapists in the state means nothing. Oh well. Although her language skills are no where near where a child her age's should be, the improvements she has made are amazing. We (those who spend a decent amount of time with her) now actually understand her so well we correct her grammar. Yes an unfamiliar ear has a bit of a tougher time with her, but she uses so many cues to help them. She is not letting this get her down and next year will be in a "regular" kindergarten classroom. There will be helpers/aides in there for her and a couple other children, but as far as we can tell she won't need a personal aide.

I am considering signing up for classes at the county college. I have financial aide forms 3/4 of the way filled out, but just can't make myself decide. I have a good idea of what I would like to do, but I am not 100% positive. I sprung this on John, sort of out of left field, and he was shocked. But he said to me he really doesn't care what I decide to do, just do something and stick with it. There's my problem. I have a hard time sticking with anything. Big plans, poor execution. I will not even jinx myself by saying what I am considering taking in college and what I want to do, but I have narrowed it down to two things. Both careers involve children.

No real plans or appointments to keep, only one of the kids is a class, actually two but they are back to back, this summer and it's a voluntary thing that occurs only once a week. I am just going to enjoy my last summer of not working since next year all my children will be in school full time and I need to be a big girl and get my booty back to work. But life is good.

Stolen....

How does it happen that I go from having a little tick boob, cloth diaper wearing, co-sleeping bundle of "Jewel" to what I saw yesterday. A little young lady among her peers looking like a ray of sunshine. I didn't cry. Nope I didn't. I felt like it, I dressed in all black, it wasn't on purpose, maybe subconsciously. Watching her little mouth contort into all these weird movements as she was trying to sing along with everyone, having that demon named apraxia trying to hold her back and her fiercely telling it to step off was really beautiful.

Next year it is onto kindergarten for Jewel, 2nd grade for Amber, and 8th grade for Carlos. My babies are all growing up. Time has stolen my babies and replaced them with children. I am happy that they are all healthy, happy, creative, brilliant, precious little people, but at the same time I miss my babies.

I love him........

Today marks the anniversary of John and I's wedding. 4 years. Yup, that is a lesser amount of years than our children are old. Yes we did things a bit backwards. Carlos when 5 years old when John & I met. 6 weeks after meeting John, I moved in with him, 2 months after that we were pregnant with Amber. 1 year after that I was pregnant with Jewel. We have been through a lot. Ups, down, twists, turns. But I wouldn't change a single thing, not a moment. I am married to my best friend and that is truly an awesome thing!

Mr & Mrs Simms

We got married in our back yard, and it was GREAT!
Our cake!

Wordless Wednesday

Where?

I live in a small-ish town. We are on the verge of getting our fifth fully functioning traffic light in the near future. We have one grocery store, which we have only had for the last year and is the reason for the addition of a traffic light. We have one fast food restaurant. Everyone knows everyone. When our census was last done in 2000 we had less than 7,000 residents. I know this has grown quite a bit since then due to the addition of a gated senior city community for which our county is notorious for, but it's like they are in their own little world in there. Our police force consists of approximately twenty officers or so. You get the idea, small town.

Anyhow we got our full access parkway exchange just two year back. It is so new in fact it is not even shown on my GPS despite my many updates to it. We can now get on and off northbound or southbound of the parkway, one of our state's major arteries. The parkway is nearly 175 miles long, mostly north and south. Pretty impressive since NJ is about 150 miles tip to tail. The parkway for those unfamiliar is tagged all along with mile markers, every 1/10th of a mile showing your exact location. Most exits are based on their mile markers position. It is very acceptable and usual when meeting someone from an area you are not familiar with to ask "what exit is that?" Everyone knows exit off of what, because despite the fact we have other highways, the parkway is "the" highway. My small town's exit is 69. Yes, haha, I have heard all the jokes. We even have a bumper sticker common to our area, Exit 69, where everyone gets off.

Before the whole exit 69 claim to fame hardly anyone knew of our town, not even people living a mere 20 minutes north of us. The joke about telling someone you lived in Waretown, was where? Waretown. Where? Haha. It gets funny after like the 2nd time, and people think they are so unique when doing this, little do they know, us living here have heard it dozens and dozens of times.

The other day while driving on the parkway though I noticed something odd. Our actual exit is not located anywhere in the 69 mile marker zone. Nope it is in the 70 mile marker zone. I am thinking some brilliant person from the highway authority who has authority of naming the exits thought he had an awesome sense of humor when naming us exit 69. Heck, maybe he is even the one who trademarked those bumper stickers. I betcha though, he does not live here, he doesn't have to tell people I get off on 69. Thank you Mr. (or Mrs.) Naming the Exit Idiot for making our sweet little town the laughing stock of the Garden State.

Wordless Wednesday

Miss California

Does anyone care what happens with Miss California? Big press conference today at 11am EST, who the heck cares? Is this news worthy? I think not. This is coming from a person who doesn't agree with her either. Donald Trump is loving the publicity, as is Miss California I am sure. Will he keep her or say YOU'RE FIRED? I will not even bothering giving my opinion because it seriously matters ZILCH! I am just sick of hearing about her and really feel sorry for the winner of the pageant because, well I don't even have a flipping clue who won.

I'm baaaaccccckkkkkkkk

Told you I'd be back. So I guess we'll start with updates. We're all healthy, that's important and something to be thankful for.

Carlos is almost done with 7th grade. He did way better this year than last, when he really slacked off. He has been on the cross country, wrestling, and track and field teams. He seems to have for the most part kept on top of his work despite his sometimes crazy schedule. He's done good.

Amber is almost done with 1st grade. Whether or not she will have to repeat it next year remains to be seen. We have her neurological evaluation coming up this week. It is the first step in the process to see how they can teach her better. We will also try to determine if her inconsistencies in reading and language are learned disorder related. She was put in and after a few months removed from basic skills reading class, because she reached the maximum reading level. She has worked super hard, and has come a long way. She makes me proud.

Jewel. We are removing her from outpatient speech therapy for the remaining part of the school year. We think she needs a break. She is almost done with pre-k and has become a social butterfly. She is also coming close to being discharged from occupational therapy because the majority of her issues are behavioral related and not sensory, although she does have some oral sensory issues. Not surprised, but we are brushing her teeth and with toothpaste, so hooray for small things. We seem to be at a stand still with school and her Dynavox, this will be brought up at her IEP next week. Out loaner device is awesome but with no technical support with it, I am lost. Currently it is not being used because I can't reset one of the vital behaviors on it, without this behavior she can't use it. As for her spoken language she still lags so far behind her peers. Her intelligible language is still hard to understand for the unfamiliar ear. But I still smile every time I have to correct her grammar because that means she is making progress.

John is working. Hard as usual. Now summer is here, well almost here. Summer is rough on him, winter is his thing. Hopefully this summer we'll make it to the beach more and he will be able to relax some. That'd be nice. I am convinced he is getting arthritis in his hands, but tough guy won't go to the doctor.

I am well, the same. An insomniac by night and tired all day. Trying to figure where I should be working come September when the kids are all in school full time. The housing market still sucks so I am not sure if I want to go back to Century 21 right away. John thinks I should. Who knows? I have time to figure it out, I guess.

We're mid-dilemma with one of our dogs. He has shown aggression towards the kids. Not cool. I will be having him fixed in the near future, but still wonder if even that is the right decision or if I should find him a new home, one without children. The kids are upset, and want him to stay with us. It is hard. We're not a give a pet away kind of family, but when safety becomes an issue, we are really left with little choice sometimes as much as it sucks.

I really need to wrap this up and got a certain little 1st grader out of bed and ready for school. As for my renewed commitment to my blog. I will try. I do promise I will do a "Wordless Wednesday" every week and at least one other entry. I am not even sure how many readers I actually have, but I do like that I have to blog to look back on for memories, if nothing else.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to everyone.

I am around, just not here.

I am suffering from a nasty Facebook addiction,

which is taking up my free time these days.

I will be back soon with updates and

a renewed commitment to my blog.

Beauty

This morning I looked at Jewel while we were waiting outside to get on the bus and felt such a bittersweet feeling. This is my baby or should I say this was my baby. This morning she picked out her own clothes, did her hair all by herself and was genuinely excited about going to school to see her friends. When did she grow up so much? When did she stop depending on me for absolutely everything? It truly seems like yesterday that I had my 8 pound 2 ounce preemie 5 weeks early and they whisked her away from me, and I stood by her isolette and was afraid of touching her, becoming attached to her, losing her and John had to tell me to touch my own baby. This morning I looked at her and saw a beautiful little girl yet such a little warrior that battles apraxia every moment of her speaking life.

It's what time?

We have 3 alarm clocks in our bedroom. Strange huh? But we have our reasons. We like alarm clocks with fancy gadgets. I have one on my side of the bed with an alarm set for me and of course has an Ipod dock. My alarm is set so I get up to make breakfast for John, and his lunch, and I won't lie, to make sure he gets up every morning too. John has 2 alarm clocks on his side of the bed. One is a clock that shines the time on the ceiling. That alarm is set to ring the same time every morning with a standard annoying beep. Then he has another clock that has 3 alarms. One alarm is set to turn on the TV. Another is set with my saying Yoohoo honey wake up. Another is either a fog horn or a rooster I forget which. So essentially we have 5 different alarms going off in our room every morning. They start going off at 5am. They are all set a few minutes apart from one another and are kind of staggered to annoy the heck out of us so we just, you know, get up. Well this morning I hear John say, wait honey, it's 6:30, I leave by now right, as I hear my alarm beeping in my ear. I swat at my alarm, look at the clock, think for a second, because eosmetimes in his sleepyiness he is a bit confused and think holy crap you should have left like a half hour ago. We somehow slept through my clock beeping for an hour, he shut off 3 of his, we never heard the TV go on, and something just happened to wake him up at 6:30. Nice, huh. Well no biggie, he'd be a bit late. Buttttttt.......his co-worker waits for him in the commuter lot in the mornings, and.....he gets there 5:30 to geta spot, so on an ordinary day this guy is sitting there 30-45 minutes for John, but today he was already sitting there for an hour when we were just rolling out of bed. WHOOPS! So the moral of the sory is you can never have to many alarm clocks. I am not sure what in the world happenes this morning, but I am thinking I may be on the hunt for a bigger, louder alarm clock in the near future.

Harvest

Yesterday I picked Amber up from school early to go to an appointment. On the way there she is usually good for talking. Well really who am I fooling, when is she not good for talking. But I tend to hear things out of her during this time that gets lost in the noise of the rest of the family at other times. Yesterday I heard something from her that I wish got lost in that noise. She started talking about harvesting. Telling me now a days we only harvest for fun, like when we harvest our pumpkins for Halloween. Okay so far what's the big deal, right? It gets better girls and boys.

She then asks me to tell her what harvesting was really like. Huh? You know a lot about harvesting, right, mom? Like when you had to harvest everything. No, I don't Amber. Well way back when you were a kid they didn't have stores to buy all your food in so you harvested everything, right? WHAT? How old do you think I am Amber? 45. No I am not 45. I was quiet for a few minutes. Then I told her people who are 45 did not harvest either unless they lived on farms and what makes you think I am 45 anyway? Daddy told me. Well Daddy was kidding. No he wasn't, I asked is she 35, he said no, I said 40, no, 41, no, 42, no, 43, no, 44, no, 45, ding ding ding.

My husband. I have to love him, my only other choice, is to strangle him. I am 32, by the way.

The Climb

So yesterday we climbed the Barnegat Lighthouse. Beautiful. I have climbed Cape May's years ago and I do not recall the feelings I am having today. Now there was a warning sign, which I did read. Yes it was strenuous, yes I climbed it with my inhaler in hand, yes my legs felt quite jell-o like along the way, my thighs literally were quivering like they did when I was in labor. Never in my wildest dreams did I think today I would wake up and need pain relief. Did the sign say anything about waking up the following day and wishing you legs would fall off because that might be less painful then the burning and muscle aches you are feeling. I really had no indication I would feel this way yesterday. We even walked the rail trail last night, no issues. But today. Oh my, this is terrible. A lesson was learned though. I am extremely, undeniably out of shape and it is affecting my life. This lesson was both painful physically and mentally, but maybe I will start to do something about it.

Happy Birthday Jewel

April 1st, 5 years ago today.

The first 2 1/2 years of her life were spent like this:

One of the many lessons she has taught me.
Jewel has grown into her name perfectly.

Her 1st picture as a 5 year old. Up hours too early and sick. But always our Princess.

~~Happy Birthday Foofer~~

We love you

April Fool's

Hope you enjoy your lunch today honey.

Amber's meeting

I had a meeting earlier this week regarding Amber. This was a meeting with a team at the school to decide what measures we should take with Amber and her reading skills. They suggested we have her evaluated by a neurologist to rule out any learning disorders before we proceed. The first few phone calls I made trying to schedule an appointment were very discouraging. The only pedi nuero our insurance company suggested was not even scheduling appointments since she was booked for the next 5 months solid, but taking names for a waiting list. So I ventured off using my own resources looking for someone to take her. My second phone call proved to be successful. Not only do they see children, and accept our insurance, they are booking new patients in mid May. YES! Less then a 2 month wait. And our insurance company did not even mention this practice to me at all. Nice, huh? Don't get me started on my opinion of insurance companies. So this begins the lengthy process of figuring out how we can best serve Amber and teach her in a way she can best learn.
John and I did tell her there is a possibility she may have to repeat 1st grade again and she took it surprisingly well. She knows she is struggling a bit. John and I have talked a lot about this though and we understand 2nd grade only gets harder but we do not think her relearning the same things over again in 1st grade next year will benefit her at all, and I made the team aware of our opinion on the matter. So hopefully they will take what we say into consideration when making the final decision.
On a lighter note, today is National Make Your Own Holiday Day. Silly, huh? My holiday? National Nap Day! So what's yours?

And today.....

So this is how a stay at home mom/administrative assistant for her husband's business spends her days. With her Sissy Poo and the mascot of our local minor league baseball team The Lakewood Blue Claws, Buster. No really, an electrical supply house we use, Warshauer Electric to be precise, opened a fifth store, exciting news I know, and they had an open house so of course we had to go. I played the representative for Simms Electric since Mr Owner/Operator was working. I took Sissy Poo with me, because well since I broke her ankle I spend most days with her. (I secretly rigged the carpet to trip her so she would fall and be put out of work for this reason you know, but shhhhhhh, don't tell her.)

Amber Loves Giving

Amber's school has been collecting "Pennies for Patients." Every year they encourage the children to bring in their spare change to donate to children with cancer. This year Amber got to sit in on an assembly about cancer. A child was there who was now in review (what Amber called remission) who talked about cancer. Evidently this has all made quite an impact on Amber because she has new questions about cancer every single day.
Amber is a collector. No more like a hoarder. It is difficult with her to part with certain things. Scrap paper, rocks, and coins. She has a habit of doing something with one of those things every night before bed. Cutting the papers, sorting her rocks, counting her coins. So I was super impressed with Amber last week when she gathered up every single coin she could find and brought them into school to donated to pennies for patients. She even sacrificed the coins in her reward bucket. (A reward bucket is a small container that when the kids do something above and beyond what is expected of them that they get pennies for. When they collect 50 pennies they get something special.)
The other night, well I should say morning, there was a small knock on our bedroom door. I can always tell who it is by the knock. Amber knocks ever so softly which is so not her. Julie practically knocks the door down which is also so not her. Mommy I need you. I open the door and Amber is holding something in her palm. My eyes are not adjusted. What is it? My tooth, it fell out. Wow, you felt it fall out? No, I was awake. Alrighty. So we get her mouth rinsed out, get the tooth put in a safe place, I think it's too late/early for the tooth fairy and back to bed she goes. The following night the tooth fairy comes and brings Amber $5 which she promptly takes to school with her that day. I assume for the school store which she loves to shop at. Where in the world does she get such a shopping habit? :::looking around::::: Anyway, this morning I ask her what she bought at the school store yesterday and she looks at me weird and says nothing, why? I ask what she did with her $5 from the tooth fairy and she said I gave that to pennies for patients. OK don't cry, don't cry. I almost cried. My kids and John already think I am a weiny and cry about everything so it probably wouldn't have matter if I did cry but I am so stinking proud of her. She holds her money so dear and for her to give it away so willingly and get nothing in return, I am just blown away. I think I am going to give her a refill for her reward bucket and also give her something special to reward her, just so she realizes that she did something very good.

Here's Nixon!

Geesh it's been a trying day and that's putting it mildly. But good news, Nixon's in his new forever home! Yay! We were at the shelter at 1pm right when they opened and broke Nixon out and were on our way home by 1:22. I stayed at my sister's only a few minutes but he seemed to acclimate to his new surroundings fast. Kelly introdeced him to the rest of the house already too. He is such a lover, like his brother Reagan. I found out today that the other 2 siblings that were turned in with them were put down because their health wasn't as good as these two and they were not very "friendly." I kind of figured that was the case since they had only arrived there a little over 2 week before I adopted Reagan. I did not think that cats that old were adopted out so fast. At least these two had happy endings. Nixon had to be shaved a little and needs some cleaning up because some of his meds didn't agree with him, but he is a cutie! Surprisingly Nixon and Reagan are from the same litter.

Nixon is getting a forever home too

My sister is going to adopt my cat's brother. I am so happy. I knew getting the brother would totally be pushing John but now my sister is going to get him. I feel so much better, knowing he is 10 yrs old, hardly no one would want an older cat. I called the shelter Friday to see if he was still there and the boy who answered told me yes and it was a $55 fee, etc. Well I called today and the lady answered who did all the paper work for me and she was like I remember you, and I told her I called last week and they told me $55 for Nixon (Reagan's brother) but she waived the fee for Reagan, so she said she'd way the fee for me again. So I am going and adopting the cat in my name for my sister. I am so flipping excited!!!! I feel ecstatic we are giving these poor cats who came from such a loving home that had to give them up for reasons beyond their control and are practically un adoptable because of their age a second chance.

Pluerisy sucks.

I don't remember if I blogged about this but I ran to CVS the day before the storm and I was standing there totally still not bent over or twisted and got this intense burning pain in my back. I hardly was able to make it to my car let alone get in, I almost had to call John to come pick me up. I got home and was in tears I was hurting so bad, John of course wanted me to go to the ER but I just paid off my last ER visit literally last week so I said no way. Well then I started with these pains under my ribs as well. Both sides. I can't even sit straight in a chair there is so much pressure and pain. Now weeks ago I had a little bit of a weird feeling on the left side under my ribs, but just really thought nothing of it. Well stupid me I should have. That was the start of it, weeks ago. I have pleurisy, the membrane surrounding my lungs is in inflamed and most likely infected. Instead of the membrane sliding against my lungs smoothly basically they are rubbing against it and causing a ton of friction. She said it could have been pretty much contained to that small pocket if I went in weeks ago but since I waited it is pretty bad. I am on a bunch of meds and need to go get some xrays to make sure no ribs are cracked which is sometimes a cause of this, but she said most likely the cause is my asthma and chances are I will be prone to pleurisy now. I am totally in excruciating pain depending on what I am doing or the time of day. I can really tolerate pain, but this is just awful, So I am lots of drugs, I was hallucinating an evil spirit was lifting my blankets off last night and starting screaming NO NO NO, my house looks like a giant dump, I am just feeling really crappy. And I am wondering why they don't make ace bandages/compressions wraps like they used to. Plain stretchy material with a little metal hooky closure think, they now make these awful self stick ones which are disgusting feeling because they are sticky, and they make me itch like the dickens so I am wearing a shirt under it.

.........

There is nothing more fun then your child making you look like a slacker, NOT! My son hands me a stack of paperwork to be read and signed last night. I didn't get to it last night and forgot about it this morning. No biggie, not like they could possibly expect all this paperwork back the next day right? Well he calls me about 15 minutes after he leaves on the bus to tell me, "You didn't sign my course selection for last year so you need to drive it down here now for my guidance counselor or she is picking my classes." I tell him no way did he just get this yesterday and they want it today or else. "No mom I got it awhile ago, I just need it today, right now." OK that is my problem how? I mean if he had given it to me "awhile" ago and I forgot, but he has had it for "awhile" and now it's my fault he didn't get it back from me instantly. Oh man, I am just annoyed. So I tell him fine I will drop it off today, then I hang up and call his counselor to see if I can fax it and send in the hard copy tomorrow. She tells me no need to fax it she is glad to know I have actually seen it though since it was due weeks ago. OK so glad he is at school because now I want to just shake him. She said she told all the kids 2 weeks ago that was their last chance she needed it by the end of that week. Then yesterday she threatened them with her choosing their classes to really scare them. OK so my kid isn't the only slack, but geez I am annoyed and once he gets home tonight he is going to hear about it.

Tomorrow is my doctor's appointment and I can honestly say this is the first time I have ever been eager to see a doctor. Last week pain started in my bad that is seriously worse then labor pain. It is on both sides of my back, about mid way between top half and bottom half. I am also having a similar pain in the exact same locations on the front of my body, the actual pain is a little different. No fever, no problems with urinating. I have been super nausea though and have gotten sick on and off all week long. I am thinking it is a kidney issue, but I am no doctor I just play one for my family. I have been pretty immobile all week and it is killing me. Driving is a task, it hurts to sit upright, it hurts to lay down. The only time I am not in some sort of pain is when I am standing perfectly still. Twisting in any direction is killer, reaching backwards is almost impossible. I just want to know what is wrong cause 5 days into this I am really really getting worried. I have been avoiding the ER like the plague, but have a feeling I may be sent in for some sort of tests. I should be quite a site to see going out Saturday because I am walking and moving slower then an 80 year old, but there is not a snowballs chance in hell I am staying home.

Stepping Out!

We are going out Saturday night. How cool are we? Yeah not so much, especially since this night out has been planned for a month. But at least we are going out. Since the kids are getting older John and I do get out more often without them then we used to, but we don't do the things we used to. We have sort of calmed down a bit. I guess maybe we have grown up a little. This Saturday though is going to be the exception, we are going out to the bar where we met, and the band is playing that was playing when we met, and, and,and my SISTER is coming out. YAY! There are a few little issues about going to this particular place, this particular night that I am a little worried about, a few faces I may see that I am not thrilled about seeing. But it should be fun, lots of fun. OK not too much fun, I am a responsible adult and a mom after all.

Reagan Update

What a night. The cats went from semi getting a long (well it's Tiger who has the issue with Reagan, Reagan wants Tiger to like him) to Tiger growling like, well a tiger at Reagan. We slept with our bedroom door open because at bedtime Reagan decided to do what anyone does at bedtime, get in our bed. Tiger usually sleeps on the end of the couch. So for most of the night I had Tiger sleeping to the right of my feet and Reagan to the left of my feet, they were literally only 2 feet apart. OK so they were not sleeping they were laying there eye balling each other the entire time but it was progress. Then about 5am Tiger decided it would be fun to scare the crap out of Reagan and did one of her Tiger growls and Reagan went fleeing under the bed and just came out now at 10am looking at me like he really wanted something. Hmmmm, maybe he is accustomed to canned food, we did see them getting ready to feed them some canned food yesterday at the shelter. I do have a few cans, even though I don't feed them to Tiger. So I open a can and grab 2 small bowls from the kitchen and split the can up and now both cats are eating what looks like vomit and scrambled eggs, yummy. So I guess Reagan is a canned food eater which is cool, we can do cans, and it looks like Tiger wants in on the whole canned food bit.
John is not thrilled about the cat, but then again he wasn't thrilled about Cody or Edie or Tiger or Sandy come to think of it. Speaking of Sandy, the hamster AKA Little Guy, Reagan is a bit obsessed with him. We had to out a super sized dictionary on his cage lid because Reagan actually tried popping the lid off. All in all though for Reagan being here for less then 24 hours and coming into a home with 2 dogs, a cat, and a hamster he seems to be adjusting very well. As far as going back for Reagan's brother, I think even though my Johnny is a loving patient husband I might be pushing my luck. I really hope someone goes and adopts him though because if he is anything like Reagan he would make an awesome pet.

Meet Reagan

This is Reagan! He is our new kitty! I wanted a new kitty and today went to the shelter. There were two that caught my eye. A one year old and a ten year old. Now I know the common choice would be the one year old, so I went against the norm and saved 10 year old Reagan who was surrendered about 3 weeks ago with 3 of his brothers and sisters. Reagan also has a brother there, who is currently in isolation on meds for a sneeze, but I don't know. I'll have to see how Reagan works out first and how my loving husband responds. While we were there (my mom came with me) a couple came in looking for their puppy. They were leaving to NY earlier this week when their puppy slipped it's collar and got out of their car and got away. A black puppu at night, no less. They were so excited their puppy was brought in, I was almost in happy tears for them. Unfortunately just getting home they had no cash on them to reclaim their dog. I felt so bad so I paid for them to get their puppy back. It felt so good to do something so nice for people just because and to see them so happy. I just hope in the future they pay the kindness forward.

Teeth!!!!!

For the first time in a little over 5 years I did it. I went to the dentist. I have made and canceled so many appointments in the last 5 years due to nerves, I was being to think I would never go back. So I made my appointment with John's knowing I would be far less likely to chicken out in front of him and I didn't. I had an awful experience in a dentist's chair as a child, I don't even think I was 10 at the time, and it's left me scared, yes even after all these years. The appointment went well, no cavities, teeth are all in great shape, got a cleaning, but I need to see a periodontist. Evidently my gums need some work, definitely root planing and scaling but possibly surgery. YIKES! One spot of good news is that if I can tolerate the occasion issues my wisdom teeth which have never broken my gum line give me, the dentist suggests to leave them alone unless they are causing major issues for me. Where my wisdom teeth are located is so deeply in my jaw bones he said I am almost guaranteed permanent numbness from the oral surgery to remove them. So there you go one appoint down, my first peri consult in 3 weeks.

Schtuff

We have been extremely blessed to have gotten a loaner Dynavox for Jewel to use until further notice. I am just in awe that we have had such a thing loaned to us. There are such good people in this world and stuff like this restores my faith in people. So today when Jewel goes for her augmentative therapy appointment I will bring it along and am hoping they will want her to use this device instead of the static boards to practice with while at home. I will also find out today if the therapist has spoken to the school's social worker and see what her feel for them getting the device is. The school claims they will do whatever is best for her, but these things take time and I am truly not holding my breathe.
I am super busy today. My glasses are finally ready to be picked up, I am going to get my nails done which was a valentine's gift from my sweet husband (who also helped me dye my hair a couple nights ago, he is the best), Jewel has her appointment, and I need to find something to put together for dinner in case I am running late tonight. I feel like I have a million things going on and am just not feeling much of any of it. Amber has been recommended for intervention and referral services at school which did not come as a shock to me, but that's another thing we are in the process of. We explained to her there is a strong possibility next year that she may have to repeat 1st grade. She took it a lot better then we expected. She actually said she thinks that it may be better for her. My jaw almost hit the floor. We shall see what the next few months brings.
It is still straight up winter here, minus the snow sadly, and I am just ready for it to be done. I am ready for spring, ready to go outside and not shiver. Ready for the windows to be open and to air the house out. Ready to start our seeds inside, ready for it to be warm enough for them to be planted outside. Ready to take the dog for long walks at night and not rush it so we could get back inside and stop freezing our tuckuses off.
Anyway I guess I need to get off my butt and start doing some of these things that need to be done today. I have a feeling it is going to be a really really long day.

Abuse

Yesterday a picture of the singer Rihanna was released. She was alleged beat up by her boyfriend, also a singer, Chris Brown a couple weeks ago. Now I have to say when the story was released I didn't expect it to be as bad as it seems to be by looking at the pictures. We all know how the media exaggerates. Of course any abuse is bad, I just didn't physically expect her to look like she does in these pictures at all. It seems the media, tabloid and just the general media, have taken this Rihanna and Chris Brow story and have been running with it. It is par for course for the media, but the whole situation has me feeling so sorry for Rihanna. Of course we do not know the whole story at all, although the picture is pretty damning, but the media has been having a total field day. This outlet reports this, that outlet reports that, Rihanna is staying here, Chris Brown has said this.
Whatever Rihanna endured is bad enough without having it splashed across every newspaper, magazine and television. I am going to venture a guess that the abuse in that relationship has been this bad for a while or has been building to this point. Anyone who is involved in any type of abusive relationship whether it be mental or physical already has a huge toll taken on their being. Being abused in any way shape or form is degrading, it makes you feel like you are less of a person, you let another person control you, whatever you previously thought about yourselves is wiped out, you feel you have nothing, that you are nothing, and even worse you wonder how you could have let yourself be taken down to such a low level. Smart people are abused, poor people are abused, white people are abused, rich people are abused, challenged people are abused, black people are abused. Abuse sees no color, creed, ethnicity, intelligence level. It is one of the very worst experiences someone can go through. I just feel so badly for Rihanna that she not only has had to endure this but have it displayed for everyone to see, because that is almost as humiliating as the abuse itself.

3rd in County

So this is what the face of the 3rd in county wrestling looks like. I only have my phone to take pictures so it is not the best, but my little guy's face. :::gasp::: He is really turning into a man, he's response so what's the big deal Mom I won. I guess when I pick my kids up at 11pm I should be a little more observant because I didn't even notice this until he got home from school this afternoon.

Stuff

I actually have quite a bit to say today. Let's start with some news on the home front. Last night Carlos did not call me to pick him up from school until 11pm. Yup you read that right 11pm. He left for school at 7am. Unreal, huh? The reason was his wrestling team made it to county's. So the tournament went on forever. But my little wrestler came in 3rd for all of our county in his weight class. Pretty darn good for a first year wrestler. He has also finally decided on spring sprts. For the first time in 8 years he is not playing baseball for our town, he is going to do track and field for the school. I am glad for 2 reasons, one school sports do not require a registration fee (yeah I am cheap) and also because I think he really found his groove with the sports he has been involved in this school year. In fall he ran cross country and winter he wrestled.
Our house is still fighting the sickies. Amber is back in school after a bout of strep and seems to be on the road to wellness. Jewel on the other hand picked up the sickness a bit later and a different strain and after attending yesterday after two days out I am keeping her home again today for a nasty cough that isn't letting up. John also has a nasty cold, and a bum knee from a work injury a year ago. Me, well I never got to the eye doctor so my daily headaches are practically debilitating at this point and then I woke up this morning with some sort of problem with my foot. It radiates from below my ankle bone down into my toes if I put any weight on my heel so I have been tip toeing all morning. Carlos is healthy as usual.
About 20 minutes after Amber leaves for school this morning the school nurse calls me. Amber fell some time between getting off the bus and walking into the front door of the school. On ice! We had a storm 2 days ago, why is there still ice there. I am mad. I mean seriously you have a school full of children you cannot clean the sidewalk (which is all of maybe 200 feet) and salt it. I am really annoyed. Evidently Amber tore up her knees, and I assume her pants as well. Really could have been totally avoided but whatever.
OK so that's pretty much it here I guess, but I just need to comment on a few stories in the media lately. Michael Phelps smoking a bong. Yeah and? Really, come on who hasn't, right? (I actually never have but still, lol) He is a 23 year old kid! Kids do this. I think after spending almost his entire life in such a strict structured setting full of practices and meets the kid blew off a little steam. I do not get the fuss at all. Not like he was smoking crack or heroin.
Another thing, the big deal that is being made of Jessica Simpson's weight. Give me a break. OK maybe by celebrities standards she is heavy, but if you compare her weight to real life women, she is still a freaking rail. Yes the outfit was unflattering, which makes me think that her "weight" has more to with what she was wearing accentuated it. I have yet to see her heavy in any other outfit. Really is she? I doubt it and if she is, so what. There was a time long long ago where thin was seen as a sign of being poor, think pheasants. Heavy was a sign you had money, look at kings in the past. Alright that vent is over onto the next.
The octuplet mom. Who the heck cares? I do not. Was how she got pregnant irresponsible? Yup. (But there are lots of women who get pregnant under less then ideal circumstances whether they be financial or medical that could be called irresponsible as well) Was the doctor who implanted her wrong? Yup. (Do no harm, yes that is a doctor's oath. But do doctors who perform cosmetic surgery after cosmetic surgery for vanity reasons really live up to that oath, do doctors who do c-sections for convenience?) Who cares? Not me, not even a little. Is it amazing she carried 8 babies during one pregnancy, sure it is. But who are we to judge the whole situation though? What I find completely ironic is the people who seem to be judging her the harshest are women who have had fertility treatments themselves, which I just do not understand, but at the same time I suppose I cannot since I have never gone through what they have.
Yeah so today I had a lot to say, but now I am done. And if in the process I offended anyone I apologize, but my blog, my opinions. I really have a lot to do around the house but am having a hard time finding the will to with this headache. I plan on making stuffed peppers for dinner tonight, mopping the kitchen floor with the nifty new mop I bought on Monday, and cleaning the girls' rooms. But before all that I will go grab some Excedrin and try to wipe out this headache while watching what else The View. That'll help, huh?

Super Bowl, So What????

I just have to say I think it is completely ridiculous that the people of Pittsburgh were out in the street by the thousands celebrating the Steelers win. Nonsense is what it is. A flipped car, small fires. What the heck. It is after all a *game! A game where a piece of inflated pig skin is thrown around a field, what's the deal? Yeah I am not a football person at all. I also think it shows what this country thinks of education versus sports when a whole city's school system has a delayed opening due to a SuperBowl win. Okay I am done!

I am back, finally!

I am back. I was without any internet access for a week because Verizon stinks, but that is a whole other story. Let's see where to start. Jewel is now also receiving a one hour session of occupational therapy a week though the hospital. She has some auditory and tactile issues which we have been aware of for quite a while. Their main goal is going to be grooming and dressing. My littlest dainty daughter likes to go commando it seems because her panties bother her something terrible, but this is just not acceptable at all. Her little behind is always getting a contact rash from being bare against her pants. Not good! On a super positive note, the school has reviewed her augmentative communication device evaluation and it seems there are very seriously considering implementing it into her IEP which means they will be purchasing it! This is huge since out insurance plan does not cover durable medical equipment of educational technology devices. I have also been referred to sign up with the DDD for Jewel. They provide lots of great things for families of children with developmental disabilities, *if the money is available. I am going to push for her to receive hippotherapy which I think she would really love and benefit from.

I have reduced Amber's therapy from every week to every other week. She seems to really enjoy speaking to a neutral party in a neutral setting. She is still struggling with school a bit but I have noticed that her reading skills are improving. Lately I am a bit concerned about her self esteem as some things have come up with her peers that leaves her pretty darn upset. It is completely heartbreaking to see your child made so sad by their *friends.

Carlos' wrestling season is winding down, and it may be bad to say, but thank God! Between his wrestling for the school team, the township team, running back and forth to practice on weekends, in addition to all our appointments during the week for other things I am just beat. Carlos again seems to be slacking off with his homework and although he plans on running track this spring I am not so sure his grades will allow unless he pulls them up and quick.

I have decided, I think, for the time being I am going to return to home health care. Yup something I swore I would never do. Heck I may start and see I can't still do it. I hate working in the home setting, hate it. I know this is not the right thing to say but I totally preferred the conveyor belt setting of long term care and critical care at the hospital. No time to get to know a patient personal which kept me at a comfortable distance. But you got to do what you got to do I guess. Right now it looks like the housing market is a pipe dream. I am going to maintain my real estate license of course, and return in September of this year when day care is not an issue since all the kids will be in school a full day. But in the meantime I need to make a few bucks and going back to my "roots" seems to be the best idea. Work the hours I desire is very important right now.

So anyway that's about it update wise for me. Everything else is the same ole' same ole'. I promise to try to blog more often.

A Better Day

Yesterday was a horrible day. I certainly won't go into details because a great deal of it is more personal then I care to share. It was one of the most draining days I have had in years, seriously. I am determined to not ever have another day like yesterday, to never feel the feelings I felt yesterday. In any case my point is even when things look bleak, horrible, dark, lonely, like they are just not going to get better just remember tomorrow is another day and a day can change a lot. Today I woke up feeling refreshed and I am feeling really blessed and thankful for having another day to get it all right.

Red Light Red Light Is NOT Green

Yesterday I decided I needed different shelving in my closet. When we built this room we did very basic shelving in there for the time being, until we decided what we wanted. Well 4 years or so later it is still the same and I am outgrowing my closet. So John and I headed to Home Depot after dinner to decide what I wanted. I was driving and we weren't really talking much or anything, just the normal drive. We get to the light outside Home Depot which is a bit more complex then your average light. I saw a green light, watched for a spot in the oncoming traffic and turned left into Home Depot. John says you are going through a red light, whoa, whoa. I look up and sure enough the left turn lane is directed by a lighted arrow, not the actual light, and it is RED. I had no choice but to go as I was now more then halfway across the lanes I was crossing. John asks what I was thinking and I tell him to be quiet my stomach hurts, then I promptly felt like vomiting. No joke I was so freaked out that I went through a red light, even though I made sure nothing was coming, I was completely spazzing. Finally we park and I shut off the car and sit there a second and he asks if he can talk now. I do not believe I have ever run a red light, EVER, well now I have! Oh and we did get new shelving. I am going to have 4 new shelves, one the full length one my closet 7 feet up higher then the shelves in there now. And 3 2 foot shelves down along one side. I am excited! Hopefully we get so much ice tonight John has to stay home tomorrow and he can put them in.

Monday, Monday, La La, La, La ,La

The kids went back to school today and believe me when I say it, I am thrilled. They were getting on each other's nerves so badly, in turn getting on mine. They were all excited about going back so I do not feel that bad sending them on their merry way.

I *think I am going to stop Amber's therapy. She is not just a good match for Amber. They get along great and all but Amber plays her like a fiddle. I tried making it clear from day one Amber needed someone who was a bit firm. Well it didn't happen. I think a large part of Amber's issue was she wanted some of the same attention Jewel was getting and she got it. A lot of what were her problems have gone away, so I just don't know what to do at this point. I also have been meaning to post a video of Jewel talking on Myspace which I haven't done in forever. I think I'll try to get to that this week.

This week I will find out more about Jewel's therapy to train on a device. I have to find out if these devices are rented because if they are, I will gladly rent one and not travel. My van is dying such a slow death and we don't know when it is going to just give out on us. We do have the truck that I will be using but I do not want to travel that far with the truck. I hate driving it.

Today I am really starting to crack down on myself with portion control. I am not going to deprive myself of anything because that does not work for me at all, but I will be very careful about how much I eat. Also I will be working on the Wii Fit daily, now that the kids are gone for some time and I can have a chance with it. I am also going to blog more often, even if I have nothing exciting to say like today. I am going to use this as more of an outlet for me the way I used to when I first started blogging.

New Year and an update

Happy New Year!

Sorry I did not update abut Jewel's evaluation I have gotten a few emails regarding it and thought I should jump on and address it real quick and then maybe let the world be aware of my new year's resolutions so maybe I will be accountable with everyone watching (reading).

So the evaluation went well. Jewel woke up in a great mood, weather was awesome, and my van made it. (We were and are worried about the van because it seems my trans is going. Not fun.) Anyway we get there in plenty of time and good thing because I was informed upon checking in I needed a script and referral. UGH. I had to make a few phone calls and that is all straightened out I hope. The eval itself went great and Jewel scored very high, like we all expected her to. The final report should arrive to me in a few days. The short of it: I need to find an advocate for her in dealing with her schooling, she definitely should get an augmentative communication device, the device that she needs due to her intelligence level is a 120 space one (they start at like 20 space ones), I need to travel back up north for this 3 hour round trip once a week for her to begin training on this device to try to prove to whomever (school, insurance, organization, charity fundraiser) will be paying for this device her intelligence level supports such a complex device, the device she needs will cost approximately $8,000, and we need to start working on who will be paying for the device. So yup we have our work cut out for us in the next few months. The whole thing is going to be quite a process and I thank you all for all your well wishes and prayers.

Now onto my resolutions.
1. Stop biting my nails again. (I will go for months without biting them and then something makes me nervous and viola I have nubs again.) Gross, I know.
2. Loss 20 pounds. I need to loss far more then this but it took me a good 13 years to put it on so I don't think rushing it off is entirely fair or realistic.
3. Be nicer in general, stop wearing my heart on my sleeve and try to be more patient. I know some of this one may seem totally unnecessary to some people who know me since I am known as having nerves of steel, LOL, but I really need to run a tighter ship regarding my emotions.
4. Become a better wife and mother. Numbers 2 and 3 play a large part in this one.
5. Use less offensive words. I have a horrible habit of using words that are not appropriate and I am going to try to curb my use of them as best I can.