So empty

It is so odd now that Herc is gone. I knew it would be hard, but it was way harder than I imagined. Things I didn't put much thought into keep coming up, his cage, his love seat at the end of our bed, his food bowl, the front door is now open something that never happened before. I noticed John took his leash out into the shed. The other dogs are very quiet. I think they know, even though the two of them and Herc didn't get along very well. The last few months Herc mostly slept all day long curled up in the corner by the front door taking up virtaully no room at all, but now the whole house seem so big and so empty. It is different, odd, not a nice feeling. I feel guilty. I know he wasn't well, he was old, weak, but maybe it wasn't time. Maybe he could have held on longer. He loved the fall when it started getting cool, he could have laid outside all day while John worked on things in the yard. This morning as I was standing at the bus stop I was thinking, he will miss that this year, maybe we should have waited, given him that, one last time. I don't know, maybe I am being silly. Lots of maybes.