I know that people sometimes wonder what their life would be like if they had not taken the path they did. Married people wonder if they hadn't married their spouse, if they waited longer to have kids, if they had no kids what would today hold? Single people wonder what if they had married so and so, or what if they met Mr or Mrs Right, where would they be right now? Doing what? With who exactly?
Oddly enough I don't usually think this way. I say usually because recently I have started to daydream. Honestly I feel twinges of guilt for allowing my mind to roam. I know John must think these thoughts because he often verbalizes them in jest or seriousness. He'll see a car he likes and say if he wasn't married he'd have that car. He'll see someone's house all museum-ish looking and say if he didn't have kids his house would look like that.
But me. I am content I guess. I don't think these thoughts. Well I hadn't until recently. I was checking out a condo in a beautifully old building in a major city. It's small, 1 bedroom and 1 bathroom. Insanely high ceilings, awesome closets, toys not strewn all over as if Toys R Us just vomited. Access to almost anything you would possible need, and by access I mean seriously outside your freaking door. Well the lobby's door anyway.
No idea what it is about this condo, because I am more the house on a quiet side street with a sidewalk that kids ride their bikes up and down kinda girl, but it made me wonder…..
Had I not had children, not been married, not been a focus-less sloth for the last 8 years allowing myself to be completely taken care of by my husband, not become who I am. I could be the kinda girl who lives there. In that fancy condo. Not owning a car because I use mass transit. Filling those closets with the newest, most desired bags and shoes. Affording it all because I would be uber focused on my career. Climbing the ladder, becoming someone others answer to. Hanging out at the coolest clubs. Having the best girlfriends in the world. Not ever cooking because "we" don't do that, we order in or go out to eat.
Sounds so foreign, but at the same time so inviting. But I am who I am. I have a husband who I love. Children who I adore and would do anything for. A house on a quiet street where kids ride their bikes on the sidewalk, in a town where almost everyone knows everyone. Really, who am I fooling? This life is where I am supposed to be, more importantly where I want to be. I guess there's really no harm in wondering though how it could have all been so different as long as I keep my feet here on the ground in reality and not high above the city streets in a lofty condo.
