Not the Same Thing!

UGH. During last night's debate he mentioned over and over no one knows autism like Sarah Palin. Hello McFly her son has Downs Syndrome, not autism. They are not freaking interchangeable. Every time he said it I cringed. Why no one called him out on the fact he made such an error and sat there looking like he knew very little about Palin shocked me.

On the same subject, it disgusts me that the McCain-Palin campaign are really playing up the whole we are "pro" special needs children. Bull! Are most people aware before Trig, Palin's son who has Downs, was born she cut funding for special needs in her state by up to 50%? They are not for special needs children at all, Governor Palin happens to have a special needs child, who by the way is what 5 months old and sees his mother how much?

McCain also commented last night that Palin is a role model for all women. Cements my belief he only choose her because she is a woman and he is looking for that female vote. To him there is no difference between Clinton and Palin and he forged ahead with her thinking he would capture all of Clinton's votes simply because both politicians have a vagina. WRONGO!!!!! Give women a little credit Senator McCain. By the way Palin is far from my role model.

Last Supper

I am back!!!!! Well not really. My desktop has been in the shop and I had typing on my laptop with a passion. Sooooo I have been neglecting my blog. Not only that, there's nothing new at all, and I just haven't been in the mood. But yesterday I read a story that caught my attention. Ohio executed an overweight man who was appealing his death sentence saying that due to his weight it would be inhumane. This man was 5'7 and 267 pounds, so yeah he was overweight. His claim was that they would not be able to find a viable vein to inject him and he also wanted a single drug rather than the three drug combo. In any case I don't really find his appeal shocking, I don't find what he claimed shocking, especially since Ohio has a history of botched executions.

What I did find totally appalling was this guy's last meal. Now before I go into what his meal was, let me just say I would be commenting on his meal whether he was 5'7 and 100 pounds or what he actually was. I seriously could not care less about his weight at all. The night before he died he ordered a special meal which included T-bone steak with A-1 sauce, onion rings, french fries, four eggs over easy, toast with butter, hash browns, a pint of rocky road ice cream, a Mountain Dew soft drink and bear claw pastries. Yeah I get this was his last meal ever on Earth but seriously did the two girls he murdered get the chance to say good bye to loved ones before they died, to make peace with whomever they had to, to live beyond a mere 20 years old. No, he murdered them and most likely gave it no second thought whatever. But this guy at least knew he was going to meet his maker, had time to say his goodbyes, and what not. I do not think he should have dined on anything but normal prison food before he died. e have homeless people in the country eating out of garbage cans to survive, families eating Ramen noodles nightly so they can pay their rent, people choosing between eating or paying for medications they need. What is done to help those people eat a decent meal? Very little. But this bastard is rewarded for murdering two people with a meal fit for a king. What a crock of shit.

I don't think death row inmates should be treated badly. I actually do not even believe in a death sentence at all. But to give someone something out of the ordinary is outrageous just because they are set to die. This country is so ass backwards it is sad. Liberty and justice for all my ass. I am uber annoyed at the state of our country right now and reading a story like this, seeing how our tax money is spent in ridiculous ways, just pisses me off even more.

::::sigh::::

I am so discouraged with the politics right now I didn't even watch the debate last night. Sad, huh? I was so excited for the first debate, maybe even more excited for the veep debate last week, but this one I don't know. I feel the question dodging, the mudslinging, just the regular political bullshit is really doing a disservice to us as a country. I know it is nothing new, but this being the first election I am totally into, I am just finding myself disgusting with it all.

Why aren't their commercials about them, instead they are about what their rival can or cannot do. Why can't they seem to answer a question that is asked of them before going off on a tagent about something totally unrelated. Focus here fellows. If you are that great of a candidate focus on YOU, not the other guy. I am just completely discouraged. So what did I do last night instead? I watched Dirty Jobs of course. Mike Rowe is my hero, no seriously, I do find him very attractive. If you have never watched you have to check it out, even if only to see Mike.

Warning Mookie Doodle Designs

I highly suggest to anyone who frequents WAHM businesses online that they beware of Jennifer Davis of FL. After being her customer for quite some time, I am now in a situation where I stand to loss out on $100+ worth of items that are due me from her. Although her work"mom"ship has always been great, her customer service now leaves very much to be desired. She has always had a slower than normal turn around time, but at this point in time due to the amount of time my order is taking, excuses galore, discrepancies in her emails to me, and a down right nasty attitude I have been forced to file a dispute with PayPal to try to recoup my money. I know of at least a few places she sells at this time.
Mookie Doodle Designs- Make Your Day Smell a Little Sweeter!!
Just Sew Savvy™ Online Shop
I have also been told some information regarding her can be found here as well.
http://thedramaofdiaperswappers.wordpress.com/2008/09/11/threats-on-ds/andhttp://thedramaofdiaperswappers.wordpress.com/2008/09/14/birds-of-a-feather/

Just beware of who you order from and always always file with PayPal within the time frame for a claim if in doubt. Since outing this WAHM I have been contacted by at least 8 people who are still waiting on something from her, or know of someone who is waiting on something. It seems Jennifer likes to try to get by with printing PayPal shipping labels far in advance of mailing packages if she mails them at all. In the past there have also been a question of her holding a raffle for a mama who sadly lost a child and then never sending the proceeds from the raffle to that mama. Some other very gracious person stepped up and sent that mama what the proceeds were and whether or not she was every reimbursed by Jennifer I have no idea.

A new addition

My husband has got to be one of the most patient, understanding, easy going, passive individuals I have ever met. Well he is with me anyway, some people actually see him as a total bear. But he is just my big teddy bear. Yesterday out of the clear blue sky I called him up while he was at work and asked if I could get a hamster. He asks me why. I give him my reasons. Mostly to make the kids smile! Anyway he tells me this, "We talked about pets, no more pets Holly, no more, ok? But do whatever you want." He always adds that do whatever you want thing. You think he would have learned by now that the sarcastic, guilt inducing comment does not work on me, at all. Because within an hour I was purchasing an adorable little teddy bear hamster which I named Sandy along with an awesome condo like cage. The pet store said it was a boy but being so young it is kind of hard to tell for sure so a unisex name like Sandy suits him well. He is white and cream color, and shy so no pictures yet.

The kids got home from school at staggered times, so each of them got to be surprised individually. Their smiles are totally worth it all. Sandy is residing in Jewel's room since she has the most room, and shhhh don't tell them I am saying this, but the most neat one of the three. Everyone seems to understand although she is rooming with Jewel, she is everyone's pet. So far anyway. I expect to get a few complaints once the novelty wears off and I am sure each child will be begging for their own, which will certainly not happen.

My awesome hubby didn't get home until about 10 last night and he seemed fairly ok with the family member, although he still doesn't understand why? But with me, I think he is fairly used to unpredictable, spur of the moment, instant gratification decision making by now. Hopefully in a few days Sandy (AKA Little Guy by Jewel) will be more settled and I'll get a few adorable shots of him to share.

Isn't He Lovely????

I have nothing to say. I am tired, cranky, and my head hurts. So I thought I would show everyone my son. He brought home his school pictures yesterday. He doesn't like them. But I do. He looks so grown up and dare I say cute? I know he reads here occasionally so if "cute" is not an acceptable word I am sure I will hear about it. 7th grade, middle school. Where did time go? This is the first time in a long time I am actually buying all my kids their school pictures. More expensive, but we never seem to make it anywhere else to get them taken.

Is He Serious????

Okay what respect that I had gained for McCain over the past few weeks is quickly drying up. Wasn't it McCain who said like a week ago that our economy wasn't in that bad of shape. Now he is suspending his campaign and wants to postpone tomorrow debate with Obama to focus on the dire situation. What an asshat. For real. Flip flop much? Man up, get to debating, we have an election in uhhhh 40 or so days and still have for whatever reason undecided voters. Do not use our floundering economy, you know the one that was not headed for a recession according to you a week ago, as an excuse to not debate. This pisses me off. And he has called on Obama to follow his lead??? Nice try, so if he doesn't you want to make him look like the bad guy. Not working. UGH UGH UGH, I am pissed off.

Rough Morning

This morning was tough for Amber. It was a morning filled with lots of questions about Hercules. It's only been a week so I totally expect it. She wanted to know if his soul was in heaven where his body was. I really didn't expect to tell the girls about any of this, but since we expect his ashes back any day now and she asked I figured I would tell her about the cremation. She actually had a lot of very well thought out questions about it and seems to understand it. There was lots of tears though. I tried to explain to her that while we are all sad and miss him, that Hercules is very happy and healthy where he is. She has her good days and bad days and today unfortunately started out as one of those bad days. To add to it, it is Wednesday which means garbage day. The garbage truck fills Amber will huge amounts of anxiety and fear and it always seems to come to our street at the same time as we are waiting for the bus. A week and a half until therapy starts, I cannot wait. This poor girl need more coping skills than I can give her.

Politics

There is a new report out saying that it is estimated that McCain has an automatic 6 point lead on Obama due to the fact he is white and Obama is not. No one can dare say for one moment racism doesn't exist now a days, it is alive and well unfortunately. I saw on some news channel a few weeks ago an anchor interviewing people somewhere down south. Most people said race doesn't have any influence on how they were voting. One guy though, he stood there proud as anything in all his ignorant glory and said "I ain't voting for no colored boy." At the very last this man was honest. I think lots of people say race has no impact when they may even be lying to themselves. They may not think it does, but it may sway them somehow.

I am just so disappointed this morning after reading this survey. Are these people even looking at the two candidates stance on issues at all? Or can they not get past looking at the color of their skin? Okay I am more than disappointed I am disgusted. If you are voting for McCain because you like his ideas, his policies, his take on your hot issues, then VOTE MCCAIN. If you are voting for Obama because you like his ideas, his policies, his take on your hot issues, then VOTE OBAMA. Vote for the right person to do the job, not the right race to do it, because I have news people, there is no "right" race people.

Geez this news totally has stomped all over the buzz I have had going on this week leading up to the debate this Friday! Maybe I will just not watch the news until after the debate on Friday because it is such a buzzkill.

Mean Girls (and Boys)

Yesterday Amber came home looking very sad. I thought maybe she was just beat after a long week, but she told me that she didn't have a single friend in school. She told me one girl was mad at her because she tripped and thought Amber pushed her, she said her two best friends from last year were in another class, she went on with a few examples. She is really having a tough time this year. Then she tells me she is never wearing the shirt she is wearing again, which kind of took me by surprise since she made a very big deal the night before about just having to wear that very shirt that day. Well it turns out G, a boy in her class, called her fat belly.

I will be the first to admit that Amber is not shaped like most of the other children her age, but at the same time I do not think she is "fat." Yes she probably weighs a bit more than she should, but she was from the moment she came screaming into this world a bit larger than your average child. In any case, I told her G was silly and probably just an angry boy and couldn't think of anything else mean to say so he said that. She seemed to accept that answer.

Fast forward to later in the evening she asks me if I told Daddy what G said to her. I said no and she went on to tell Daddy. Daddy in his usually Daddy wisdom says you should have punched him in the eye, to which Amber giggled and said no way I am not getting detention because of G. Then she tells Daddy, I should put you in parent detention for telling me that. I then asked Amber what she did do when G said this to her and she said I unzipped my book bag. I was a bit confused so I asked for what, remembering I packed her a new pair of scissors that morning, she wouldn't have, would she???? She told me after I unzipped my book bag I put it over my head so no one could see me. Then she goes back to talking to Jewel O. M. G. (She later also told us G calls people names every day and usually gets into trouble it was just time the teacher didn't hear so he got away with it.)

I look at John and said that makes me want to cry to which he replied everything make you want to cry Holly. But I mean really how could kids be so mean, how could another child make my little girl feel the need to hide in her book bag. My heart seriously broke into pieces for her. I remember being picked on as a kid, to this day I remember how mean the kids were. Relentlessly little jerks. At the time though I took everything they said as total truth. If they were saying that about me, must be true, I must be those things. I DO NOT want my little girl viewing herself through the eyes of her peers the way I did.

I kept thinking what nasty little kids. Then I thought to myself, no they are not. I blame their parents. Totally, completely blame their parents. If these little heartless kids were brought up in homes where they were taught others had feelings and to respect others and to not say anything unless you had something nice to say they wouldn't be walking around day in and day out making their peers feel like gum on the bottom of their shoe. I bet their parents were the type of kids in school who teased me as a kid. It's a cycle. A sad vicious cycle.

So empty

It is so odd now that Herc is gone. I knew it would be hard, but it was way harder than I imagined. Things I didn't put much thought into keep coming up, his cage, his love seat at the end of our bed, his food bowl, the front door is now open something that never happened before. I noticed John took his leash out into the shed. The other dogs are very quiet. I think they know, even though the two of them and Herc didn't get along very well. The last few months Herc mostly slept all day long curled up in the corner by the front door taking up virtaully no room at all, but now the whole house seem so big and so empty. It is different, odd, not a nice feeling. I feel guilty. I know he wasn't well, he was old, weak, but maybe it wasn't time. Maybe he could have held on longer. He loved the fall when it started getting cool, he could have laid outside all day while John worked on things in the yard. This morning as I was standing at the bus stop I was thinking, he will miss that this year, maybe we should have waited, given him that, one last time. I don't know, maybe I am being silly. Lots of maybes.

Sad

Tonight we are sending our oldest dog to Heaven. We are all really sad. The kids have all had very different reactions but I think they all "get" it. Jewel kept asking if he could have more days, then started asking how he would get to God, if we were driving him, if God would pet him, etc. So sweet. Amber on the other hand at first kept looking for ways to stop it. She asked if there medicines to stop it, she asked what a booster shot was, then she said she was sorry we had him before she wished we just got him now. But now she kind of is just avoiding the topic all together. Carlos just cried, I think he will be ok. I am most worried about Amber out of all the kids, considering the other issues she is having.

We took lots of pics yesterday of everyone, last night John & I took the dog out for a walk down by the water and out for some McDonald's his favorite treat. We're all pretty sad. I think it all finally has hit John. I wish I could take away the hurt for him. I know when we get back tonight from the vet without the dog it is going to be harsh reality for the kids, especially the girls. I know this is all a part of life and something they have to experience but it doesn't make it any easier. I am trying to keep it together for everyone, I have showed very little emotion through this all, but inside I am falling apart.

Assault of the Commercials

Well September is upon us. The kids are in school. A few stray leaves have fallen. Halloween items have hit the store shelves hard. We wake to an occasional cool morning. And the dreaded endless stream of toy commercials have begun. We have just hit the halfway mark of September and I have heard see that, look at this, I need that, put that on my Christmas list, Santa is bringing me that, countless times already. Do I really have another 3 plus months to listen to this? The answer is yes, and it will only get worse. The requests will come faster and furiouslier. Is that even a word? Probably not but it works for me.

It may be because I am older, or because I am more cynical, or maybe even a bit myopic but the toys seem so oh I don't know dumbed down. Dolls that swim. Dogs that grow. When I was a kid we used our ::::gasp:::: you better sit down for this, imagination. I am all for technology allowing us to do most things, heck I don't know what I would do without my remote control or DVD player, my Ipod, oh the list goes on and on, but what I am even more for is toys that allow for fostering a child's imagination. Allowing a child's imagination to run wild. Kids want this believe it or not, why do you think they would most times rather play with the box a toy came in rather than the toy itself? Because that box has more possibilities than the toy, silly. That box can be ANYTHING they imagine it to be.

Anyway I am getting away from myself here. My original point was, I understand big business must assault us with their commercials, it's what brings in the almighty dollar. But do they have to do it so darn soon? My kids literally started school a week ago and instead of concentrating on what is important right now, even thinking Halloween costumes maybe, they are thinking Christmas lists. Slow down! That's all I ask. Slow down!

Jewel says.... (1st Day of School)

After getting dressed for school:
I no wear skirt wit pockets mama, no. Skirts no pockets mama. No want this.
(Little does she know we have about 5 in the drawer in all different colors, note to self, must go shopping, again.)

Looking in mirror, tucking hair behind ears talking to herself, smiling:
My hair pitty, I have very pitty hair.

This year Jewel has afternoon class instead of morning class like she is used to. This was the conversation from 8am when Amber got on the bus until 11:30 until we left for school:
School now mama, school now, now? Mama school! School now or I break this mama. Hear me, watch me. I here all alone, Carlos school, Amber school, me no school mama. I no like this. I go to school right now. Me mad mama!

Anywho today was Amber and Jewel's 1st day of school and it went great, no tears. I really surprised myself. =) I cried a lot last year. LOL.

Amber things

Amber turned 6 a couple of days ago so her and I were looking through her baby book. We were looking at ultrasound pictures of her. She could not believe that she was a ghost when she was in my belly. I literally almost peed my pants laughing. She has a point though, I guess those pics do look kind of ghostly.


This afternoon at lunch we had this conversation:

Amber: Mommy did you know that they named a state after Hannah Montana?

Me: No I think they named her after a state?

Amber: No, I don't think so. She is like famous you know.


Yesterday sitting in the waiting room of Jewel's speech therapy Amber decided she was too grown to sit near me so she sat across the room. The room was so silent you could hear a pin drop which is kind of unusual for the Children's Hospital but anyway. There was Amber, me, and another child's father. Amber was listening to her new MP3 player, I was reading, and the other guy was just sitting there. I looked up at Amber who was in her own world listening to music and just kind of stared at her. Geez my little girl got big. She was sitting there smiling, then her head starting bobbing to the music, ok it was coming, I was seeing it, here it was, "I GOT NERVE" she belts out. Amber. She keeps going. Loud too. Amber. She doesn't hear me. I wave my hand. She looks at me and asks what? I said you are a little loud. She says no she is not. I said yes you are you can't hear yourself with the music on and the guy starts chuckling and says she was really into it, she looks at him, turns red as an apple and runs to me where she buries her head into my side. It was hysterical. Needless to say she took off the MP3 player and didn't listen again in the waiting room.

This and that

Two days until Carlos starts middle school. Who is nervous? Is he? No. Am I? Yes! Honestly I am more nervous than sending him off to kindergarten. I mean I knew he would be taken care of in kindergarten. 6th grade is a whole new ball game. These kids are more or less on their own in a sense. In a school where there are one of a thousand other kids. Changing classes. Not every teacher knows him. Lockers, new faces, new buses, new everything. ACK! I feel like I am the one going off to a new school, my stomach is in knots, I am totally and completely stressed, and I am totally trying not to show it, making jokes about it. But in all seriousness I am petrified.

Tomorrow is Amber's birthday. 6 years ago she was born. Wowzers. Seems like yesterday. For real! We got her a pair of pink studs that are far bigger than any pair of earrings she has had so far, a hot pink MP3 player that I already loaded up with some songs for her, a Hannah Montana umbrella, and she will get a Webkinz too. It will all be packaged up in Hannah Montana wrapping paper of course and what goes with that but a Hannah Montana card. I hate Hannah, lol.

Jewel finally calls Amber Am-ba instead of Am-ma. All the time. It stops me dead in my tracks every time. So awesome! I think her speech therapist at school is going to be super impressed with the improvements she has made this summer. I know most likely everyone at the school probably thought I wasn't making the best decision pulling her out for the summer, but I think Mommy's intuition was right and my girl needed a break. It did her good!

The past couple of nights we have had fires in out chimena to get rid of some of the brush in our yard to get ready for our BBQ next weekend. Well yesterday we got the ingredients for s'mores. Believe it or not I have never had a s'more before. I have had every ingredient of a s'more before just never together. And I have to say after all the big hub-bub John said about them, I was not very impressed. Hehe. I stuck with my toasted marshmallows the rest of the night, now those I LOVE! Jewel had a total chocolate rush last night. I have never seen a child on a sugar high like this she was in a total manic mode. It was completely insane and she had a chocolate hangover this morning as well, she slept in until 11am. We learned something though, we seriously must limit her chocolate. The girls and I ended the night by playing red light green light in the dewy grass under the stars last night by the light of the fire, and I must say it was lots of fun. Although the summer is coming to a very sudden close, it is going out on an awesome note!

One more thing. Another hurricane. Even if you can only donate $2. It is something. The Red Cross does not run itself. Their money has to come from somewhere. Skip tomorrow morning's cup of coffee, or read the paper online, even something small, if everyone just donated something small, it all adds up. These people were literally just getting back on their feet, some were not even there yet. Yes, yes they don't have to live there, they knew this was possible again, but people this is their HOME. Think about it that way, could you easily give up your HOME. I know I could not and the likelihood that a hurricane or flood could wipe out my home one day is a reality. So please think about helping, if you are not convinced turn on CNN or FOX. Until we all start thinking as one, that we are in this together, things will never change. American Red Cross: Donate Now

Bratz

So the makers of Barbie sued the makers of Bratz, because of an employment contract dispute. The maker of Bratz evidently came up with the idea for Bratz while working for Mattel, who makes Barbie. The jury sided with Mattel and they were awarded $100 million. That is not really the point I am making, just a little background info. My point is in reading this story I learned Bratz profits top $500 million a year. I was stunned to be honest. Is the market for these little whore dolls really that large? Do parents really buy these little street walkers for their little girls? I know a lot of parents do not care for Barbie, she sets a bad example, causes body image issues, her proportions are just unrealistic for the average woman. Fine and well. Bratz though take it to a whole new level. If Barbie encourages girls to have bodies that are unattainable, do Bratz encourage girls to dress like ladies of the night? To wear more make up than any circus clown does? To have shoe sizes larger than their waist sizes?

I banned Bratz in my house long ago. I hate the dolls for all the above mentioned reason, but also because they are the ugliest dolls I have ever seen. I find a troll doll more attractive to be honest. Now my girls have at some points in time been given Bratz dolls as gifts, and I do not take them from them, but I made sure I commented on how the dolls do not dress like real girls should dress and I also make sure they meet an untimely demise eventually. Even more disturbing in my opinion are the Baby Bratz, wow hooker babies, how interesting.

I know, I know if children are looking at dolls to be their role models, even just image role models, maybe I am doing something wrong. NO. I do not agree. Grown women, who are mature and have very strong minds of their own, look at the images of celebrities gracing the covers of magazines and feel inadequate quite often, so is it that far of a reach a child would want to replicate their favorite toy? I don't think so.

If you choose to allow your child to play with Bratz, fine, that's okay for your family. It is not okay for mine though. I just hope that the Bratz evidently large buying market are instilling in their children they are purchasing these dolls for that their image is not a good thing. That it is not acceptable to look that way in real life. I really was just super disappointed to learn how large of a market these little hooker dolls have. I almost wish Mattel would have been awarded their $2 billion in damages they originally requested and put this doll straight into the depths of, oh I don't know bankruptcy.

Herc

Then:








Now:


It's almost that time for our dog to cross the Rainbow Bridge. We are going to let him go there. I realize that a lot of people read my blog and have debated whether or not I would blog about this since it may be a bit controversial. But I need somewhere to get my feelings out about it, and after all this is my blog.

Our oldest dog, Hercules, is a German Shepherd who John has had long before I met him. Hercules was actually my mother in law's dog, but due to special circumstances he ended up with John. So this dog has been in the family since John was 16 years old. Hercules had a very mischievous youth, which is how he became John's dog after John moved out of his mother's. He was not a very friendly dog to other animals because he was attacked by another dog when he was little. He is a special dog in our opinions, a dog who would rather a piece of fruit or a vegetable over a steak. He has a special fondness of apples. The mere mention of an apple gets him drooling. He was born on a farm with pigs and he loves to root. His teeth are in bad shape because he loved chewing rocks. He is smart, sometimes he can outsmart us.

Hercules has started showing his age a while back, just normal things, he liked to sleep more often than not, he moved at his own pace, wouldn't like walking anymore, he started having to go out and do his business a lot more often, and we actually started leaving a bowl of apples in the middle of the dining room table and he left them alone. The vet has always given him a good bill of health, he just says he is getting old. The vet asked us exactly how old he was, I told him almost 13 and asked what is this breed's life expectancy and the doctor kind of muttered 10. We have known he is up there in age for a while.

Lately though things are getting worse. He is getting very snippy with everyone. His back end seems to have lost most of it's muscle tone. He has trouble standing up, laying down, scratching his head with his back legs like he used to do, he can no longer jump much at all whereas in the past he could clear things very high. The latest thing is he doesn't even seem to know when he is going to the bathroom. He just starts going, laying wherever he is and realizes what he did and start getting up. This is poop and pee. It sucks. We know he doesn't mean to do it. He's lost most of his hearing. He sleeps a lot, and is hard to even wake up sometimes. At night if he doesn't wake us up to go out, I wake up looking for him, checking to make sure he is still breathing. The good thing is he doesn't seem to be suffering or in pain, not that he shows us anyway, he is just elderly. In dog years he is almost 91. His quality of life is hardly there anymore, at least compared to what it was.

A lot has gone into this decision. The decision was mostly left up to John because well he and Herc have this bond. He has had this dog a little less than half of his life. He has never really lost "anyone" so close to him. I know a decision was/is heart wrenching, but right. But my heart bleeds for John, it really really does. Our family seriously will not be the same with Herc. As much as this dog has been a huge pain in the rear, more in his youth than now (now I understand that he cannot help the way he is) we all love him. Our lives revolve around Herc. We make sure we are never gone for more than a few hours, we don't open certain doors and windows because he is not fond of outside animals, I mean John and I have a loveseat at the end of our bed for him. That is Herc's couch.

I remember when John and I were still dating, I slept over one night (yeah, yeah I was that kind of girl, lol) and I woke up to my purse on the floor dumped out and my shirt on the floor torn up. Herc went through my purse, little did I know at the time he had a thing for gum and there was gum in there and then he ate my shirt, I assume out of spite. John was always his, now I was in the picture. He and I eventually worked out our differences, I used to work night shift at the hospital and then came home in the morning, John was already gone for work, and I'd sleep all day snuggled up in the bed with the dog. Another time he got up on the counter and ate a whole cantaloupe. The whole ENTIRE thing, the only clue we found was a single seed on the floor. And his huge bloated belly. I remember the story of him trying to eat a candle (this was before John and I met) because it was shaped like an apple, him and his apples. He used to play with empty soda bottle tossing them in the air and catching them, chewing them until he accomplished what he set out to do, pop the cap off. Herc would always sleep anywhere John was working around the house, even if it meant in a pile of saw dust. He hates the vacuum and the nail gun. He also hates fireworks and thunder. He used to love the snow, his favorite time of year though was when summer was turning to fall and the weather was cool and crisp. He used to like swimming, but he hated and still hates baths.

We are having our usual end of the summer BBQ the weekend after this one. Less than 2 weeks. We are hoping Herc hangs out with us until then, since everyone will be here (hopefully). Everyone who has loved him could see him one last time. Kind of morbid I guess, in a way, but having a last goodbye is always nice in retrospect. The week following the BBQ I guess we will bring him to the vet for the last time. Our lives will not be the same without Herc that's for sure. Herc is not the kind of dog who will ever be forgotten. He is truly one of a kind.

Laughter

When my sister and I were kids we would get these fits of laughter that were unstoppable. I don't ever remember what we were laughing at, maybe nothing at all, but the laughter grew and grew until we cackled like fools and usually annoyed anyone around us. I remember once my sister was in the doctor's office getting her temperature taken and one of the fits of laughter struck and by the time they came to see what the temp was it had risen way above what was normal all because she laughed and laughed with the thermometer in her mouth.

Our most memorable fits of laughter usually happen when we were both sleeping over our Gram's house. Never during the day, not during normal hours, always as we were settling down for bed. At first our Gram would laugh a bit with us but when our laughter took on a life of its own, she had had enough. She'd tell us she didn't care what time it was, she would get up and take us home, and this would make us laugh harder. I think because we knew she'd never. The same as I am not sure what caused the laughter I am not sure what caused it to eventually stop either, but it did.

Lately Amber has started giggling a lot. For no apparent reason usually, sort of like she heard a joke in her head, something no one else heard. Sometimes she will say something funny and just crack herself up. Whatever the reason it starts as a giggle and grows into an uncontrolled laugh. As soon as it hits the uncontrollably laugh stage, I start laughing. Laughing until my cheeks hurt, laughing until my sides hurt. I can't help it, memories wash over me like sunlight on a hot, cloudless summer day. Every time I think of my sister and I, laughing like two fools. How can that not make you smile? I guess you had to be there, because John usually finds this all pretty annoying, but seeing us cackling like that he doesn't say much, just looks at us, like we escaped the funny farm. I cannot wait until Jewel hits the age where she starts getting the giggles. When she and Amber will just look at each other and laugh for no apparent reason. Maybe because there is a secret only sisters can share, maybe because we, their parents, have embarrassed them by saying something stupid because we are oh so uncool, maybe because a cute boy caught their eye. Who knows what the reason will be, I am sure when they grow old they won't remember the reason either, just the bond they shared as they laughed their little heads off. There is nothing like childhood.

I Want To Sleep

It sucks not being able to sleep at night. S-U-C-K-S!!!!!! It's 5am and I have been up for a couple hours now. I am tired all day long, barely able to keep my eyes open, then come night time I am wide awake, daydreaming of being able to sleep. What the heck is wrong with me????

Entitled?

I really do not understand it. There is not that much time between when I was a kid and my kids are kids. At least I don't think so anyway. But my kids feel they are entitled to whatever they want and whenever they want it. I think my son is the worst of the 3. I am tired of being a walking ATM for these kids. John became tired of it long ago but I am the sucker. I hated wanted something when I was a kid, not that I wanted a lot, so I try not to make them want something unless it's something really special. Jewel who is only 4 wants a list of items. A cell phone, a camera and a vacuum, yes I said a vacuum. She needs her own vacuum for her room. :::sigh:::: Amber doesn't ask for too much really, she actually asked me today how she can earn $20 a week so she can buy her own Webkinz's, so I think she may have a clue. Carlos, oh boy, every day he needs money for something and not just $5 or $10. It's always at least $20-$25. Daily or least once every two days?!?!?!? What the heck? And if he is bought something, like the other day I bought him a crab trap, net, and bait he feels that doesn't count he i still entitled to money.

He asked for money yet again today. So I came up with a list of chores. He had to clean the street in front of the house, mow the lawn front and back, and read a good chunk of one of his summer reading books. He seriously has/had a good 8 hours at least to do those 3 things. He will then get money to go to a carnival tonight. He of course complained the whole way through and even at one point quit saying he didn't want to go. I guess he thought I would juts dish out the money then, I stood strong and said, okay don't go. I guess he knew I was serious because he is back outside mowing the rest of the lawn. I really don't think it's that bad for a kid to work for something they want, instead of always take, take, take. It makes them appreciate it more I think. Who knows, maybe I am wrong, maybe my view point is skewed? All I know is that the money he gets today he may consider not blowing through it like water since he is the one earning it and it didn't come straight off the money tree we have planted in our yard.

Nothing's New

I haven't blogged in a bit an figured I'd get on to do a quick update. I think I am finally over whatever I had, but it was bad. Plus we took a 2 hour car trip up north last Friday and I was sick the entire way, pull over and let me out sick. It was not pretty. I was so exhausted on the ride back I slept most of the way which is very unusual for me, the one and only place I can't sleep is in a car.

John and I got out this past weekend too. Not having the kids actually fell into our laps. We do not often look for someone to watch the kids so we can do anything, rarely ever. We usually just do things that we can do as a family, which is fine by us. But Nana had the girls for 22 hours straight this weekend because Jewel asked for a sleep over. At first John & I were lost, what the heck should we do. So we did a few things in the area and then later that evening headed to Atlantic City. We had a lot of fun. Didn't get home until 2am the next morning. I really paid for it on Sunday and was beat the entire day. I cannot even fathom that 2am was my usual getting home time at one point in my life. How did I function???

Yesterday I was struck with a huge burst of energy and did a bit around the house. Then had trouble falling asleep last night. It figures so again today I am exhausted. A definite decision has been made by about regarding going back to Century 21. I am both sad and happy about it, strange how 2 opposite emotions can be occurring at the same time. The kids are starting to get geared up for school, we have started shopping already. School starts in 22 days for Carlos and 27 for the girls, but I'm not counting. I say that with my fingers crossed by the way. We are busy with the business, and just trying to squeeze as much into what is left of summer.

Bernie Mac died last weekend, we were pretty sad about that. I watched a special about Caylee Anthony, the little girl missing from Florida and was sick to my stomach about the whole thing, so sad. I hope there is an outcome soon. I tried talking John into a goat, well half heartedly knowing we cannot get a goat, and he pretty much was left assured of the fact I am insane. Other than that, nothing new to say or even worth blog about, I just wanted to touch base and let everyone know I am still here, just a little quieter than usual.

Weekend and Stuff

I feel terrible. What is worse than burning with fever and having an awful cold with an infected throat? Burning with fever, having an awful cold and infected throat in the summer. UGH! I have had a cold for a couple of days but yesterday morning when I woke up and my uvula was like triple it's normal size and I felt the sucker sitting on the back of my tongue I went to urgent care. I have no idea if I have strep or not since they did not do a test. My throat is so severely infected, swollen, and filled with pus I needed antibiotic anyway. Doing a strep test would have been pointless. I can deal with the head congestion, my ears and nose are just filled. I can deal with the fever despite the fact it's been in the mid 80's outside. But this pain in my throat is just unbearable. It hurts to even swallow liquid at this point and the swelling makes it feel like something is in my throat just stuck. I want to go to sleep and wake up when this all goes away.

Anyway the weekend went well. We did end up hitting the beach and took one of my nieces with us too. Everyone had a really good time and no one got burned. There was a super unusual tidal pattern which left the beach with a good 50 feet or so of very shallow water before wash even broke. It was like a strip of wading pool water for 50 feet out. Really really nice, and cool I have never witnessed anything like that. I also got some shopping in this weekend and bought a few new small appliances for the kitchen, took a ton of stuff to the thrift shop for donation, and redid the decorations in the bathroom. I am a total shower curtain slut and redo the decorations in there often according to the curtain hanging. Redecorating the bathroom often *kind of makes up for the fact we have a very dated bathroom.

This weekend Jewel also hit us with the news she wants a bitty. (AKA birdy) Well if you know us you know the thought of another pet is out of the question, COMPLETELY! But it seemed as if John entertained the idea of a bitty, I think he is a sucker for Jewel. We stopped at the pet store to check them out, and both the girls left there screaming. Amber for a guinea pig and Jewel for a :::drumroll:::: little doggy. What happened to the birdy you ask, well clear as day she says, I changed my mind! Alrighty, well that kind of sucks because I, of all people, kind of liked this one cockatiel at the pet store and I began to entertain the idea of a birdy. Can you imagine? Again those of know me know I *hate birds. Like with a passion. They totally skeeve me out. In any case the weekend passed and we still have the same number of pets we started the weekend with which is entirely a good thing. This morning I woke up to find out our elderly German Shepherd has once again peed in Carlos' room. Yes we are good with the pets we have. Thankyouverymuch!

Wasp Attack

Last night John was home unexpectedly early so we went out to dinner and shopping. Everything was going great, kids were even in good moods. On the way home we made a quick stop. Well it turned into a real frightening experience. Amber who is always told to let us go ahead of her at all times, ventured ahead of us yet again. In doing so she disturbed a fairly large wasp nest. When a few decided to come flying out and see what the disturbance was she came running and screaming towards us and she fell. John swooped her up and swatted one out of her hair which had already stung her arm. The wasp was so large it looked like a carpenter bee. The wasp fly down and must have been really mad because then it flew right back up and stung John as well. Thankfully that one wasp was the only one that came out of the hive that was on the attack.

We were very fortunate looking back, getting away from all this with only 2 stings, it could have been a lot worse. Poor Amber though she was in pain. John too but he of course handled it like a trooper so he wouldn't scare Amber anymore than she was already. So we headed right to the drug store and got some Benadryl just in case and stuck some cold yogurt we just bought on Amber's arm for the swelling. What an evening!

Then this morning I awoke in a foul mood and have to admit it is still here. Not sure why really, just one of those days. Guess my many, many days of playing the woman with nerves made of steel catching up with me. Last night I went to sleep fully planning on attacking this house today, all day. It is a true mess, my laundry issues are out of control again. I do not mind doing the wash, it is the putting away of wash that does me in. I have mountains of clean wash everywhere and chances are it will all be rewashed. So much for my "green-ness."

Tomorrow is a beach day and I am looking forward to just sitting back, reading and relaxing. I am going to fully remember to slather on the sunscreen so we don't have a repeat of my burnt crisp legs from last week though. Hopefully my cranky mood will be gone long before then.

Odd or Not?

So I was tagged some time ago to reveal my oddities. I decided not to do it, because in doing so, well you'd find out I was a bit "odd." Really revealing oddities is spotlighting your life in a way that usually only those closest to you see you. Sometimes not even those close to you know some things. But I decided what the heck and I will reveal a few things that I don't think are too odd, yet odd enough to be considered an oddity.

I love chicken. I can eat it every day if I had to. I don't even mind chicken on a bone, but once I eat that chicken off the bone, it must be covered. I cannot have a carcass on my plate looking me in the face while I eat. Whenever I eat any sort of chicken on a bone I need lots of extra napkins because I will promptly cover the bones. My husband thinks this is extremely odd, and adds a rest in peace ever time I do not. I do not find it particularly amusing.

Water cannot touch my face. I mean like never. If I must have water on my face, say for washing my face, it must be on a cloth or towel of some sort and it cannot be sopping wet, it must be wrung until it's just damp. I do not wash my hair in the shower ever because the risk of getting water on my face is too much. I wash my hair with my head hung over the side of the tub at such an angle no water runs near my face at all. No splashing near me in a pool, no spraying me with a hose, no thank you! I hate water on my face. The tiniest bit makes me feel as if I may drown, absurd I know. Ocean water is the worse.

When sleeping my feet must be covered all the time and no part of my body can hang off the bed at all. Why? It's totally goes back to boogie man fears as a kid. They do live on, even though I am 31 years old.

I have memory issues and have forgot chunks of my life here or there. There is no reason for this, no head injury, no traumatic event, nothing dramatic at all. Just along the way, usually when people mention things from the past, I realize huge amounts of my memories are gone, completely vanished. Yet there are memories I have that I wish I could forget yet they linger on.

I have an awful gag reflex and I can and do vomit at just the though of something. For instance the other day my husband made a sandwich and insisted I try it, he even went as far as cutting a piece off the sandwich to give to me. The problem? It was mainly tomato on it, and well they skeeve me. I vomited. A lot. It's bad. He didn't get why I couldn't try it. I guess I will end it there, although I am sure there is a lot more that is odd to me. I am sure by now you probably have a slightly different opinion of me than you did before reading this. But what the heck is normal anyway???

Progress with Apraxia

For the first time I feel like Jewel is finally making some real progress with her speech. Other people are starting to understand her a bit more, well people she sees with some frequency anyway. We are at a point where we have to correct some of her grammar which is simply amazing because that means we are understanding her. We notice she is starting to use certain words in improper places. This stuff might worry some parents but for us, it is a God send. Amazing stuff. I mean we have a 4 year old who usually speaks unintelligibly. She has been in speech therapy since she was 22 months old, we have been told by doctors and therapists she has one of the most severe cases of true apraxia they have ever worked with, we are prepared for her to continue with speech for years, yes years, to come. So believe me understanding her improper usage of words and incorrect grammar is wonderful! Is she speaking anywhere near where she should be? Oh no not at all, but this is true progress. Spontaneous words are popping out of her little mouth here and there with such clarity that our jaws drop. Looking at each other every time saying did you hear that? Spontaneous words that she doesn't use frequently are her strong point. I know initially it doesn't make sense but trust me to us it makes perfect sense. She hasn't been using those words incorrectly for the last few years so therefore they are not ingrained wrong into her brain.

Jewel continues to be such a trooper, she is an inspiration to me she really is. She may seem at first like an impatient kid but when you put into the equation that she is a 4 year old with lots of things on her mind and she must fight for others to understand even the simplest things you too would start to understand why she is so amazing. She has patience, lots of it, I wish I had even a fraction of her patience. She lives a frustrating life, essentially living in a world where she speaks her own language and tries to make everyone else understand it. I would do anything to take that away from her, the burden of it is unimaginable. So while others may look at her and see a tough kid to deal with, a challenge, spoiled even, I see an amazing little girl who has risen to the challenge that faces her and I am in awe.

Oh the Pain

What do you get when you take your legs that were not covered in sun block to the beach and accidentally fall asleep on your belly while reading, exposing the backs of your legs, areas of your body that rarely ever see sun to the sun for a good amount of time? The answer, tomato red sun burnt legs that nothing seems to soothe. Try sitting on these bad boys, YIKES!!!!!! I am covered in aloe and Solarcane and also taking Tylenol but nothing at all is helping. So much for my awesomely fun day at the beach, huh?

Crappy day

I am having a rather craptacular day. Yesterday I wasn't feeling too hot, but I assumed that it was just the craziness of the previous day wearing on me. Today I feel even worse. I think maybe I might have a bug or something. In any case my charming little daughters are certainly not helping matters. Today they have decided they would show me their creative sides. Amber by unbending about 50 paper clips and scotch taping them all to a piece of paper. Not bad at all. A contained mess. Cheap enough. Usually she is far more disastrous. But Jewel, well she decided she would serve me up a doozy. She colored my desk with a permanent marker, which I am not even sure where in the world it came from as we tend to keep these things well hidden. For the icing on the cake it also seems we are fresh out of Magic Erasers. I did the best I could to free the desk out the horrible marker but you can still see it was colored a bit. John will certainly notice since the majority of it is smack dab in front of where the keyboard sits. I am hoping when I get the Magic Eraser it will take away the rest of the ugliness. My desk is built it made of wanna be Corian material that is fairly light in color so I am really keeping my fingers crossed. I will also cross my toes and hope tomorrow I am feeling better because I want to hit the beach again. Last weekend, even though we spent the majority of the day there on Saturday, I did not have the best of times since I had a lot on my mind. But tomorrow should we go I will be foot loose and fancy free, book and Ipod in tow, and will enjoy a day at the beach the way it should be enjoyed.

Projekt Revolution

Yesterday I had a whole lot of fun and this morning I am a whole lot of tired. Carlos, I, and his friend and his mom went to PROJEKT REVOLUTION. It lasted from 1 in the afternoon until 11 last night. One thing is for certain, I am old. My ears are still humming and it's driving me insane. The main stage didn't open until 5, so until then we watched shows on the Revolution stage which we were very close to. Maybe even a little too close for comfort because once the crowd surfing and pits got a bit wild I got a bit nervous. I told you, I am old! Forgive the crappy picture quality but "Follow the Rules Holly" only had a camera phone and no actual camera. The pictures include the main stage where Linkin Park was, the revolution stage (Atreyu is in that pic), and Chris Cornell in the middle of a dark field under spotlights singing Black Hole Sun.

The Little Mermaid

Sunflower

I said when one of "Amber's" sunflowers finally bloomed I would post a pic, well one finally popped rather quickly last week and I took a pic but forgot to post it here. So it's a little bit late but here it is! So far it is the only one. I guess it's an early bloomer, and it is already starting to loose some petals sadly, but we have about 10 more buds that look like they will be ready soon.

My mind is jello

Yesterday John and I went to the hospital to visit my grandmother. For those of you who know me and know the story she is doing better than I expected. There is no taking away from the fact she is very ill, but I expected to see her in a much worse condition. I was glad not to. She is starting therapy today to start working her muscles, especially those weakened by the stroke she had last week on the heels of the heart attack that originally sent her to the hospital. Thankfully she was lots of blood thinners for the heart attack, so her stroke was more of a bleed than a clot, therefore it was not as severe as it could of been if she were not in the hospital when it happened.
She is in a hospital I have never visited. Their parking garage was fairly unique, despite the fact it seemed older than the dirt it was built upon, completely automated. When you enter you took a ticket. And when you entered the main lobby of the hospital there were machines where you stuck this ticket in and it told you how much to pay. You then kept this ticket and stuck it in the machine when leaving. So I thought the signs read to pay upon entering the entering. John disagreed, he said it made no sense you paid upon leaving the hospital. Looking back his way made more sense if they charged by the amount of time you were there, I thought it was a flat rate. Well we went back and forth about when to pay and guess who won?
So we are there for a bit over 3 hours. Get back to the parking garage, get out the stub, work the maze to the exit, stick in my stub. Tells me I owed more money. The catch, it doesn't accept money. I hit the call button, it didn't work. I back up to the next lane, and repeat the process. This time the call button works, and the fuzzy voices says I am sending a guard. I see a car pull up and a guard get out walk over to John's side and ask what the problem was. John explains it and the guard looks shocked. He says wait she paid when she went in and not when you were leaving. Yes answers John, so what do we do know. The guard says I have no idea. Ummmm okay. John asks, hasn't anyone done this before? The guard says, never. Ha! I am the ONLY person who read the signs wrong. Ever? For real? So John and the guard proceed to have quite a laugh at my expense.
The guard at this point looks like a bulb goes off he looks at the ticket and see what time we came, looks at the current time and starts counting how long we spent there and tells us what we owe. First he says we need to go inside and pay again, then he says wait that won't work, then he says to pay him he will let us out. I am thinking, this guy can just let us out and wants a few bucks but at this point I don't give a flying fig because we now have quite a line behind us as well as people passing us in the next lane looking at us like we are idiots. So we pay him he swipes a card and we are free from automated parking garage hell.
Only me, would something like this happen to. I remember there was once a time I was an intelligent person. My mind was not such a bowl of jell-o. I could at the very least follow simple directions that the rest of the general population seemingly have no problems with. I often wonder where that chick went, some days I miss her.

Picture Update

A few pictures, from the last month or so. I finally found the USB cord from Carlos' camera so I finally got the pictures we have taken lately. These are from the aquarium, Carlos' graduation, and one from a trip Carlos took to Philly. I don't have any from Carlos' actual graduation ceremony because I have to edit them since they are all very dark. I will work on them though, better late then never, right? The one of Jewel sitting on the floor is of her and her friend Ana. I love that she has become a little social butterfly, well when she is in a good mood anyway. Enjoy! (If you would like to see us a little larger you can click on the individual pictures.)

Hormones

Yesterday Carlos and I decided to go to a few garage sales before the baseball picnic. We had to go to the ATM before doing so. Walking into the store there was a girl about 18 or so walking in as we were scantily clad in only a neon green bikini. Not so uncommon around here since we live in a beachy community, I really thought little of it to be honest. On the way out I gave a couple dollars to a girl about Carlos' age standing there collecting money for some sport, not even sure what, I just felt sorry for her standing out there on a Saturday, in the heat.

So we get in the van and Carlos say whoa that girl was HOT. Oh geez here we go. I say nothing, although I assume he was talking about the girl I just gave the money to. Then he says you saw her right, the girl in the green bikini. I screech, "C-A-R-L-O-S." He asks "what?" I tell him that girl was way older then he was and he says yeah I like them older, and I then tell him to stop talking to me.

We start driving and he says oh I think I see a sign. (Remember we were going to garage sales.) I say I hope you mean a sign from God. He says what do you mean? I said I think you need to go home and start praying or something kid, you are thinking about things far beyond your years and need some guidance. (He is 12 by the way.) He is sitting there cracking up. I tell him I am disappointed that he didn't say the girl was pretty but choose the word hot, I told him I am disappointed he didn't notice the girl his age but the older girl, I went off on a total mommy tangent. In any case we found a couple garage sales and I bought my husband a paper shredder since his died and my sister a few knick knack elephants.

So later on the way to the baseball picnic I tell John about the whole "hot girl" incident and Carlos pipes in from the back seat from the van "Dad you should have seen her she was REAL hot." UGH, the hormones of a 12 year old boy are something this mother is not prepared to deal with.

Mary Poppins

Yesterday I scored at the thrift store. I found a cassette. Abba's greatest hits. =) I was telling John about how the Broadway musical Mama Mia was made into a movie and I wanted to go see it when it came out. We got into a discussion about musicals were not his thing, which I knew, about how I had always wanted to see a Broadway show, which he can't understand, he started to ask about Stomp. I told him that I recently heard Mary Poppins was on Broadway and Amber overheard this. Mary Poppins is one of her favorite movies. Suddenly she asks how did Mary Poppins get to Broadway. I had the most hysterical fit of laughter I have had in a long time. I found the question so innocent and yet so funny at the same time then Carlos tells her she used her umbrella to fly there. Amber seemed quite satisfied with the answer.

1950's?

Last night we were driving in the car. There was a call in radio show on, like a dedication type show, maybe some of you have heard it, the host is Delilah. In any case this man calls in to request a song for his wife and he starts talking about her, how great she is, she wakes up every morning and makes breakfast for him and sees him off to work, takes care of the kids all day, and has a hot meal for them when he gets home and Delilah says wow I feel like I have stepped back into the 1950's. They start talking about how she bakes, wears an apron, stuff that *I do. I see John smirking, I know what he is about to say. And then he says it. Did you hear that, he asks? I lie. No, what. He says, oh nothing you would have had to hear it. I lied because, some people already think I am a bit weird for doing that stuff. John doesn't think I am weird, he actually is proud of the way I am I think. And he thinks I look hot in my apron too by the way.

Anyway I have gotten into this discussion before with some people. And I guess some people think in 2008 it is a bit odd for a wife to tend to a husband like I do. I see it a bit different. He is our provider. He works his butt off for this family day in and day out. If that means I get up at 5am when I do to make him a hot breakfast to start off his day and pack him a great lunch then that is what I am going to do. If we are hanging out watching television and we decide to have a snack I am going to go prepare it. If he needs something I am usually going to be the one to go get it. Does he protest, you bet he does. He doesn't like the fact that I do things for him that he is perfectly capable of doing on his own. But what I do for him is minute in comparison to what he does daily. He has a very physically and mentally demanding job. Then he comes home and what does he do? Does he veg out with a cold one in front of the TV? No way he is a father to his children, he is a husband to me, he is the fixer all of things broken, he is so much I can't even put it into words. So in return I treat him the way he should be treated. Does that make me trapped in a time warp? No. It makes me thankful and appreciative. And in retrospect, I shouldn't have lied and told him I didn't hear what was said yesterday and when he gets home today I will tell him so. I will tell him I appreciate him.

Looky look......

I blog about pretty much everything, wellllll, almost everything. But I did not blog about my attempt at gardening this year because I am awful at it. I kill pretty much everything. My daughter started sunflowers in dixie cups from seeds which are now about 3 feet tall. She claims they are hers but we all know who really takes care of them, I just let her take the credit, you know it's all that lovely part of the mom job. =) But I take full credit for the container tomatoes. They have actually produced something that looks edible. I say looks edible because I sure am not trying it. I am growing them for the simple joy of it and because my husband likes tomatoes which I rarely buy because I forget since they repulse me. In any case I proudly present you an edible enough looking tomato however ugly it may be. My first tomato. I hope to in the next few weeks be showing you *Amber's beautiful blooming sunflowers.

Girlfriends

Last night we were shopping in what will remain an undisclosed store due to prejudices against it, so take a guess, LOL. In any case my daughter, Amber, who will be 6 in September sees a little girl she knows and they run to each other and do the whole hug and smiles all around thing. The mother who missed this all because she was getting a cart kind of walked toward us catching the tail end of it and I suppose recognized Amber from school or day care and said to her daughter to say hi to her friend "don't be ignorant like that." I think my jaw hit the floor with an audible thud. Now the word ignorant was one I heard often growing up, it seemed to be a word of choice in the ghetto. There were a few words and phrases of choice. Ignorant, trifling, hoe, yo mama, word, jeepers, switching, those are just a few I can think of off the top of my head at 6am. Anyway when this child's mother said ignorant to her 5 or 6 year old it flooded my mind with memories, not especially good ones.

Amber said her good byes and as we walked away I asked John did you hear all that. I explained it all to him and also explained that the mother did not even give the girl the benefit of the doubt and that when she was away for a good few minutes the girls did speak, but she automatically jumped all over the girl. I really felt bad for the kid. Later I asked Amber what her friend's name was and she told me her name was "V." I had an AHHHH moment, it was all making sense. Amber the same V from daycare last summer? Yes. The same V you told me was so mean all the time? Yes. AHHHHH. Maybe, just maybe, she is so mean all the time because she learned it from Mommy???? Just a thought. The apple never falls far from the tree, learned behavior and all that fun stuff.

Something else also struck me as funny though. Amber and V greeted each other as though they were the best of friends. Girls always did this in my experience. Smiles, hugs, and fakeness all around, face to face. Then the claws came out behind the backs. Amber never ever had a single nice thing to say about this girl. She is mean, I don't like her, she doesn't share, she says nasty things, I won't play with her anymore. Then they see each other and it's sunshine and lace. I was never like that, ever. I was always one who dealt it like I felt it. I guess that's why I was never one with very many girlfriends. I am glad Amber has learned at an early age not to be like I was. Or at least to let bygones be bygones. Having girlfriends is important. You really don't learn that until you don't have very many. Is having girlfriends worth the expense of being a little "fake" sometimes, I don't know, but I struggle with that sometimes.

Webkinz anyone?

I have a slight addiction. It'd say it's a monkey on my back, but in reality it is a cocker spaniel and a mini schnauzer. It's Webkinz. In case you have never heard of it check it out here. I heard about Webkinz sometime ago when some friends of mine were playing it, their kids were playing it, they said it was fun. I kind of dismissed it. At the time I was into Pogo. Well, not sure how Webkinz happened to come into my life, oh wait it was around Valentine's Day when I bought each of my kid's one. But since then it is a bit of an addiction. Until yesterday I just had my mini schnauzer, Johnny Rocket. Yesterday I added the cocker spaniel Muffin. I log into Webkinz daily and do the daily activities and play a few of the games, specifically Lily Padz, Polar Plunge and Quizzy's Word Challenge. I have a very addictive personality and thank goodness my addictions are always innocent ones like this. Tart, cloth diapers, books, magazines, recipes collecting. I heard there are whole Yahoo groups of moms who play Webkinz though so I don't feel all that bad when my husband stands there and shakes his head at me laughing.

The Bomb

Well another day another drama. I have decided I need to rearrange my son's chore list because it seems he cannot complete the one's he is given. They are not hard, I don't think. They are a bit gross, but hey that's all part of having pets. I remember as a kid my mom saying she thought we didn't do a good job at something in a an effort to try to get out of it and as a kid that did not make much sense to me. But now I understand it completely. And I think my son does too. So today I have to rethink his chores, I have to think up chores that he can't so much mess up. I have to make him weekly list and enforce the lists. He is dead set against lists, though I am not sure why, he seriously needs reminders. I refuse to be his daily reminder. I myself have lists to remind myself of things. He feels lists are childish I suppose, if they are I am extremely childish because I have a list for everything, and I do mean everything. This whole thing is a subject I have to approach with caution because this kid is like a one of those little bombs in a cartoon you can kick it all over and just when you think it is a dud and won't explode, BAM, in your face! Oh just wait until he hears we decided he cannot go to Hershey this week with his friend and his family. I am not looking forward to that explosion.

Friends

About five years ago I met a great group of women. These women have been there through thick and thin. I love them like they were sisters. We share with each other some of our most intimate thoughts, our joyous occasions, our losses, our hurt, births, deaths. You name it we have probably gone through it together. Had it not been for these women I probably would never have breastfed my daughter for as long as I did, I probably would never have been introduced to the addictive world of cloth diapering, I probably would parent far different from I do, and I would be lonely. You see they are really some of my bestest friends.

There hasn't always been harmony, we have had our trials and I think maybe it has made us stronger in a sense. We accept each other for who we are, faults included. We seem to understand each other to a degree that is fairly unusually, I think in our situation. See we have never met. Well, scratch that a few of us have, some of us have spoke on the phone here or there. We are scattered throughout the country. We met through message boards when we were pregnant with our babies who are now 4 years old.

I understand a lot of people think this is starnge. Friends with people you have never met, how do you know who they really are, maybe one's a man, etc. People don't get it. That's okay though I have become accustomed to people not understanding, I have realized a lot of people think this is strange, some people think we can't really be true friends. But little do they know there are few truer friends than we are. John, my husband, at first thought this was the strangest thing ever, friends you can't physically go see, Holly you are nuts. But after all these years he has become so used to them being part of my life, he doesn't even question it or bat an eye anymore.

If I won the lottery, literally the very first thing I would do, after someone revived me of course, would be to arrange a meeting for us. I so wish we lived closer to one another so that wouldn't be necessary. I would have this get together and plan for one at least yearly. I want our children to play, bond, grow close like we have. Is that asking for too much, LOL? Each one of us brings a bit of ourselves to the group of us, the dynamic we have is awesome, and I want our families to share that. Now you think I am crazy, huh?

Well, anyway really there is no point to all this except to say I have some of the best friends ever, no I never met them, but they are as real as you are sitting there reading this. Each of the four of them mean the world to me, and I thought I would let everyone know. =)

Freckles

So yesterday the doctor was a minor success. After being told months ago by a whacked out MA at the doctor's office John's sleep study was totally normal, we found out yesterday that is not entirely true and the doctor wants him to see a lung specialist. In the meantime he is on a medication to help with the fatigue, but we have to see if insurance approves it, otherwise they cost $528 a month.

While at the office I asked John for a magazine to lean on to write a check. I wrote the check and then checked out the mag. To my surprise, there on the cover of a high end fashion mag was a freckle faced model. She was right there-on-the-COVER. Now being freckled I have gone from completely hating them to finally just accepting them, not necessarily loving them though. Society has taught us anything but porcelain clear skin is just not a sign of beauty. Magazines show people who I know have freckles as freckle less. Makeup artists cover them. It's like an erase the ugly movement or something. Past a certain age, I am thinking 10 or so, freckles are just not cute anymore. But hot dog this MODEL had them, and lots of them, on the cover no less.

John goes on his tangent about how he told me freckles look good, blah, blah, blah. I mean, hello, he is my husband, I have freckles, what is he supposed to say. Yeah he wasn't always my husband, of course I had the freckles when we met, why I choose to believe he is only blowing sunshine up my butt about them I am not sure. Anyway I contained my excitement in front of him seeing this model full of freckles. I felt vindicated in a way, like yes freckles can be pretty, and maybe even exotic. I look through the whole magazine taking in every picture of her. Wow, she is really pretty. Now maybe I can do more than just feel okay about my freckles, maybe I can learn to embrace them, dare I say like them. I doubt that all will happen, this chick had far more going on for her than just freckles. She had that perfect model body, beautiful teeth, a nice nose. All things I lack. But none the less it was an awesome moment, a moment I saw freckles not being hidden, something I have tried to do my whole life. How wonderful.

Looking for answers

Well plans have changed. The window is not going to be replaced until tomorrow. They can't get one from the warehouse in time or something like that. No biggie I guess. Today John has a doctors appointment. For years (yes I mean years, no exaggerating) he has not been right. He goes through these bouts of extreme fatigue, muscle aches, inability to stay awake even when driving which scares me lifeless. This all began when he was diagnosed with mono when Amber was a baby, so almost 6 years ago. The effects it seems never fully went away despite the fact they claim his levels are within range, and not active. He has had blood tests (lupus, lymes, thyroid, etc), a sleep study, an EKG. Everything has come back normal. One doctor even suggested he was depressed and put him on medication which after a couple of weeks he stopped taking because of how it was making him feel. My husband who is a big guy literally couldn't stand while taking this medication due to dizziness. Anyway my husband, depressed? No way. (After all he is married to moi. Just kidding of course) He didn't believe it, I didn't believe it. The doctor said he was depressed after learning he was married. Yes that was his diagnosis. We called bullshit!

In any case he has seen at least 3 doctors over the course of these years and only one of them has even listened to him, took him seriously, not dismissed him because he appears to be a healthy 29 year old man. We are seeing that doctor again today, it is our only hope it seems. He is not right, no healthy person falls asleep while driving, no healthy person suffers the way he has for so long. Someone has to help him, he doesn't deserve to feel this way. John thinks it is a waste of time going because no one has helped so far. Please keep your fingers crossed for him. We need answers! He needs to feel well.

July already?!?!?!

Happy July! Time is just flying by, no?

This is how our June ended. A quick trip to Home Depot resulted in a broken window on the truck. I am just glad the kids weren't sitting back there. A couple hundred dollars later and today we will have a new window.